Never Give Up
by Andorian Ice Princess-AIP
Summary: AU After everything they had been through in their personal and professional lives, Severide wasn't giving up on Casey without a fight – even if that meant literally giving up a part of himself to save Casey's life. But at what personal cost to Severide? & how would their return to work be like? Any changes? Based on parts of eppy 2.10 'Not Like This' CHAP 6 UP NOW
1. A Part of Me

**Title: Never Give Up  
Chapter 1 - A Part of Me**

**Summary: ** After everything they had been through in their personal and professional lives, Severide wasn't giving up on Casey without a fight – even if that meant never leaving his side until he knew for certain they were leaving the hospital at the same time. But at what personal cost to Severide? Based on eppy 2.10 'Not Like This' Contains some spoilers

**Disclaimer: **Chicago Fire and its characters are the property of Dick Wolfe, NBC and….well sadly not me if so then the ever yummy Lt. Casey would be all mine and we'd have a few sweet broments EVERY single eppy!

**A/N:** **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WRITERS! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO US! CASEY MUST LIVE! ***deep breath* okay….so once I calmed down from literally yelling at the TV, Alice was able to come up with something and at least you know we won't leave you hanging for 4 WEEKS! Grrrrrr I wasn't even sure I'd be up to writing an eppy OS after so many disappointing eppies in the past few weeks b/c lets face we had more broments in season 1! (whats up with that!) Hopefully the writers will come to their senses in the next half of this season and we'll get more than one broment every 10 eppies! Yes I have to tell myself he's going to be okay and we'll still get those broments in the 2nd half of the season! *sigh* okay…hope you all like this! (if he dies this will be my last eppy OS EVER!) fair warning right? Lol oye

**WARNING: ** you might need a Kleenex…or two (hey just saying!) or…you might not!

**~Dedicated to Maria (you know who you are…and why you are getting this **** ) hope you like the special mention. Thank you for all your amazing support for all of my stories! It's soooo appreciated!)~**

_Note: "Words in double quotes and italics taken directly from the eppy"_

* * *

_"What do they say at the academy? One shift can change someone's life?"_

As he stares down at Casey's struggling frame, strapped down to the stretcher those words spoken earlier by his friend, his bonded brother, come back to haunt him. _DAMN YOU CASEY! _His mind shouts in misery as his watery eyes fix on the blood and soot on Casey's face; the blood on his slightly bare chest and his lightly convulsing frame. _Why the hell did he…._his mind continues to spiral downward as he sits helplessly while Dawson shouts at Casey to come back to them. _This…this can't be happening…._his inner voice laments as his fists ball and his eyes frantically try to keep terrified tears at bay.

_I've been here…right here…hearing Matt beg Hallie and now…now its me…begging Matt to come back to us…not like this…please God…not like this…NOT AT ALL!_

"Matt…" Severide's lips utter as his mind zooms back in time, hearing Boden frantically calling Casey's name in the midst of the thick, deadly smoke. The beam had fallen. The locator started to scream. They all rushed in…panic literally gripping his heart and refusing to let go until Casey was safe.

_"Come on buddy….come on…Casey!"_

_"Casey!" _The call….the tone…the sheer horrified panic…watching Casey finally stumble from the fiery structure with the helpless baby in his grasp; everyone rushing toward him. _WHY THE HELL DID HE RISK HIS LIFE! _But it's an unanswerable, rhetorical question – that was him…it was Casey…it was the job. He would have done the same; risking his life and thinking only in that moment about who he was helping…not who he'd be leaving behind.

"Hold him…" Dawson's voice tries to break into his thoughts in the racing ambulance; Casey's body going into a light convulsion from a brain spasm. "Kelly!"

Severide finally snaps back to reality and takes a hold of Casey's flailing arms as Dawson struggles to get the oxygen mask over his mouth. He watches Casey's eyes flutter, seeing only the whites at the bottoms and feeling his stomach literally lurch. _You have to be strong…be strong for Casey…you have to be! _ As he holds Casey's jerking frame, his mind racing back to their discussion about it being their last working shift together…they were both so…deflated. They had worked so hard to get the House to where they wanted it and then…but not a few hours later things had changed, the neighbourhood…friends…professional colleagues rallied around them and their House was saved. McLeod was gone and their professional relationship back on track.

And then…this…

"He has to make it," Severide whispers as he looks down at the mask as its fitted over Casey's bloody mouth to give him a fresh supply of oxygen to his tortured lungs. "Please Matt…" he begs in such a deft whisper that only those with supersonic hearing would be able to pick it up over the beeping machines and blaring sirens. "He has to…"

_I can't watch him die like this…not like this…not ever! He has to pull through…_his mind fervently prays over and over as his hand dares to reach out and rest on his shoulder, his senses picking up the heat that was still emanating from his jacket from the tense call – their last call? The thought of never working with Casey again was almost too much to bear; a professional partnership under threat of divide because of one angry woman's hatred. _Is that why he did this? To prove something? To show that if this was the end, he was going out in a blaze of glory? WHY! Oh God….why…_Severide's mind tries to ponder the abject misery that has taken hold of him at watching his friend fighting for his life. _No! Snap out of it! The House is fine and this is just Casey….he…damn he shouldn't have gone back!_

"Matt, you listen to me," Severide begs in a soft whisper, as his watery eyes fix on Casey's unblinking eyes. "You are not checking out like this you hear me. You're NOT!" His voice shouts, making even Dawson jump slightly. "You're not," he manages once more in a sad lament, in a softer tone, as he quickly wipes away any burgeoning tears.

_His mind thinks back to Andy's death…the month afterward when he nearly lost Casey to a floor collapse, his mind and heart racing as he looked down into the hole and gazed frantically upon Casey's unmoving frame. He climbed down and despite the fact that Hermann was down and the fire was raging around them, his one thought…his only thought was to make sure Casey was okay. 'You okay? Hey…are you okay?' The soft, vulnerability in Casey's somewhat watery eyes forced him to realize just how close he had come to losing him…and now…maybe again…maybe for good._

"He has to pull through," Severide utters in soft panic once more as he looks up at the mobile monitors and then back down at Casey's eerily placid expression. "Matt you listen to my voice…you fight your way back. You hear me? YOU FIGHT! DON'T GIVE UP!" He shouts, not caring what anyone else around him would think; he wasn't going to let his friend go down without a fight. _Never give up…Casey wouldn't…he'd never give up on you…don't give up on him now. NEVER GIVE UP! _"Don't…give up."

They finally reach the hospital and despite the request, more like orders from Dawson and the doctor's, Severide's hand rests on the side of the stretcher; not letting go.

"I'm sorry Sir you have to wait here."

"I'm coming with him!"

"You need to let go."

"He's family!" He snaps, pulling back only when he feels Shay's hand on his shoulder. "He's…" his voice catches into a soft gasp as he turns and buries himself in Shay's comforting grasp. "Shay…"

"He's like you…he's too stubborn to die," she tries to console him; her mind however not sure of what Casey's real medical status would be.

"Shay he…he heard the order…the order to pull back…but he didn't and now…now he's lying there…all because of some damn baby!" He hisses as he pulls away with his jaw clenched; Shay in tow. "I'm sorry…I…I didn't mean that. I didn't."

"I know you didn't because I know you would have and have done the same. Casey's the same as you and that's why seeing him like that hurts so much…I know you think of yourself as his protector at times…" she whispers as he looks at her with a heavy frown. "It's obvious to those that look. And knowing he did the same that you would have done hurts, but now he's…he'll be okay."

"I can't lose him…not another," Severide states firmly as he pulls away and heads for the closed doors to the ER surgical room; his eyes darting through the thick Plexiglas and resting on the team of medical professionals swarming around Casey's unmoving frame. "Come on Matt….you gotta pull through," he mumbles as he watches one of the doctor's look up at the monitors a few seconds before it starts to offer a panicked sound. "Oh God no…please God no…not like this," he chants over and over as his anxiously teeters on his feet in his fixed spot before the thick doors.

His mind races back once more to that moment…seeing Casey stumbling from the burning building…baby in his grasp…blood on his face…under his mask…a sight out of a terrifying horror movie. But in that moment he felt as if he was frozen in time…his brain not knowing whether to scold or praise…maybe a combination of both? But he the longer he let his eyes linger on Casey's posture, moments later it stumbling to the ground in an unconscious heap, he knew…something was terribly wrong.

_'CASEY' _Severide's mind recalls as he finally found the strength to move from place and rush toward Casey's fallen side; frantic hands scrambling to get one of their very own up and onto the stretcher, time against them as they raced to save his precious life.

"Don't give up Matt…" he mumbles, his worried eyes fixed on the busy little team; his frame only acknowledging someone else was about to invade his personal space as soon as the warm hand clamps down on his shoulder.

"He's a fighter Kelly."

"This is wrong…damn he should have…he should have listened," Severide's tight lips offer with a small growl; his eyes still fixed on Casey's placid expression a few meters away.

"Should I ground him when he wakes up?" Boden replies lightly as Severide turns and looks at him with a sharp frown. "I'm just as anxious as you. I don't want to lose him either. Maybe now you two will listen to me?"

"Chief…"

"Kelly, I have no answers. This morning Casey was telling me to fight for the House and now he's in there fighting for his life. We got our House back and now…I wish I had better answers for you but I don't. All we can do is hope and pray."

"Yeah…" Severide lightly huffs as he turns back and shakes his head. "We've been so caught up in personal things as of late that you almost take it for granted someone you care about will just be there…all the time…just be there," he confesses as Boden offers his squad Lieutenant a downcast glance. "Was the same after Andy died…I remember looking down through that floor and seeing Casey just lying there thinking it was too late. Today…it happened again. Not again. Not like this."

Boden offers no words…there were none aside from the ones he already offered, _'he's strong…a fighter…he'll pull through…' _that he could give to take away the younger man's internal pain. Only Casey, himself, telling them he was going to be okay would suffice; would ease Severide's mental torment at being so helpless to try to help save his friend.

Severide watches one of the doctor's pull away and head toward them with a somewhat grim expression. "Oh no…"

"Let's not panic just yet," Boden calmly reminds him as the older man pushes through the doors and stares at the two firefighters before him.

"Family of Matthew Casey?"

"Is he okay?" Severide asks almost before the doctor can finish his sentence.

"He's experienced an epidural hematoma; severe blunt force trauma to the back of his skull and there is considerable swelling. We've done what we can to drain the fluids and he's in surgery right now to remove the blood build up."

"What?" Severide asks weakly. "He'll make it right?"

"We don't know that right now. It will all depend on how he survives the surgery. He's lucky that we were able to get him in so fast, that will help his chances of survival, but right now we just don't know. He also has a hairline fracture to his skull but we cannot tell right now if there is any brain damage, the swelling and bruising need to subside before we can do anything further."

"What does that mean?" Severide demands impatiently.

"It means you have to wait. I'm sorry. I know families hate to hear that. He has some internal swelling and bleeding and that is also being tended to by the surgeons. But the hematoma is what concerns us most. Head trauma is tricky and it can't be forced. I'm sorry. The next twenty-four hours will be critical."

Both of them watch the doctor pull away and then go back to what they were doing a few moments earlier – waiting. Boden watches Severide pacing and knows it'll literally destroy him if this indeed was Casey's last night alive on this earth. About an hour later the doctor returns, telling them the surgery to remove the blood from his brain was a success but he wasn't out of the woods yet. He'd be taken up to ICU to be monitored. Time was still their enemy.

"I need to see him," Severide states firmly as the doctor offers him a small frown and then looks over at Boden who can only stare back with helpless remorse. "Please? Just for a few seconds. He just needs to hear a voice telling him he's not alone."

"Come with me."

"I'll tell the teams," Boden tells Severide. But Severide merely offers a small nod and then hurries after the doctor into the ER medical chamber. He looks at the blood and dirt from Casey's discarded gear on the floor and dotting the white sheet his friend is lying on; the sympathetic gazes from the nurses as he enters just adds to the somber mood.

"Is he uh…"

"He's still out. We're just getting him ready to take up to the ICU. You can talk to him," one of the nurses kindly suggests.

"'kay," Severide mumbles as he looks down at Casey's peaceful expression as he hovers a few feet away. But try as he might, he just can't get the words to come out…not in front of strange faces fixed on his every breath. "He um…is someone going to clean him up?" He asks weakly as he angrily wipes his eyes. "And what if he's cold…" Severide adds as he leans in to pull a nearby blanket over Casey's bare chest.

"He'll be okay," a kind nurse name Maria's hand rests on Severide's, forcing him to look up with a weak expression.

"Can you promise me that?" Severide asks weakly. "Can you promise me he's going to survive this?"

"I…" is all she manages before the alarms behind her start to sound and she turns and rushes back; the doctor pushing past Severide, bumping his shoulder in the process.

"What's going on?"

"You have to leave!"

"Matt!"

"Get him out of here!" The doctor shouts as one of the nurses gestures for Severide to leave. Boden's arm gently reaches between the two large doors and helps guide Severide back out.

"Kelly…"

"What's going on? I can't leave!" Severide shouts, a few of the team looking up in anxiety.

"HE'S CRASHING!"

"I'll come get you as soon as I can," Maria tells him in a tense tone as she turns and hurries back to the medical melee.

"Chief…I can't leave. I just…I can't," he laments as he finally breaks down in Boden's strong grasp. "Not…not after all this. He can't die…not like this…"

"He's going to pull through. There's too much at stake now…Casey knows that. He'll fight his way back," Boden tries as Severide pulls back with anger flashing in his watery blue eyes.

"One damn shift! He…he shouldn't have…." Severide's words die out as he turns back and stares in sheer misery through the clear Plexiglas windows; watching in helpless frustration as the small band flutter around Casey, desperately trying to save him. He looks at the monitors…the frantic pace and the worried expressions; his heart rate soaring at top speed. Finally things seem to settle back down…Casey's monitors return to normal…well…for the most part.

"Chief…he has…he…oh damn," Severide's throat swallows as the doctor slowly heads toward them with a troubled expression about a half hour after that. "Chief…"

"I got this Kelly…Doctor? What's going on?"

"Okay…here's the truth…it's uh…"

"Doctor, please just tell us straight…is he going to live?" Severide begs sadly.

"Well…"

XXXXXXXX

_'Matt Casey…'_

_'Kelly Severide…'_

_'MATT! Come on buddy…Matt wake up…come on buddy…not like this…Matt!'_

_'It was your fault!'_

_'No one was to blame!'_

_'Can't lose you'_

_'FIGHT!'_

_Kelly….father…Andy…baby's crying…save the baby…Kelly…I can't…the pain…I see the baby…oh god LOOK OUT!...pain…darkness…can't breathe…pain…smoke…eyes are blurring…hit in the back…head….neck…Kelly…help me…Kelly! HELP ME!_

_'Fight Matt…FIGHT!'_

"ahhh…wh…oh…" Casey's lips utter a soft gasp as his watery eyes try to flutter open. As soon as he tries to get his blurry eyes to focus on something…his mind zooms him back in time…rushing into the burning apartment…hearing the command to clear out…going for the baby…the ominous crack…the beam falling…PAIN! Blistering…pain…his head….pounding…heart racing…eyes blinking back droplets of blood…his blood. Mouth, nose, tongue…all senses on fire…pounding…racing…screaming with pain…HELP…ME! Darkness.

Then…Kelly's voice…telling him to fight…begging…pleading…frantic movements…his body on fire…not responding…heart racing…strange voices…heart racing so fast…danger…danger…silence…darkness…pain.

"ahh…"

"Matt?"

He hears Kelly's voice…at least he thinks it's Kelly's voice. "Ke..lly…Kelly," he tries with a dry mouth, his lips unable to properly swallow, his heart thudding heavily in his tingling chest. "Am I…am I dead?"

"Well…if you are…you picked a hell of a place…to stick us," Severide gently groans as he flips on the small bedside light.

Casey's eyes quickly squeeze shut before they dare to open again, his mind racing to know why Severide wasn't sitting in a chair…or standing beside him or…_Why is he wearing a medical gown? _"What…happened? Kelly you…you weren't…you weren't hit. It was…just me."

"At least we know your memory is intact," another friendly voice is heard as Casey's head swivels to the right to see Boden slowly approach the bed. "You had us all worried."

"Chief…what happened to Kelly?"

"Well…I'll let him explain. You need your rest but I wasn't going to leave until you woke up and told me to go home."

"Go home," Casey lightly retorts as Boden's hand gently rests on his shoulder and gives it a tender squeeze of reassurance.

"Welcome back Lieutenant."

"Chief…I heard the command but…"

"Don't worry yourself about this now," Boden answers in haste as Casey's monitors start to jump slightly. "You just rest. You suffered some blunt force trauma to your head and spine. It's a miracle you're not paralyzed but the doctor told us the surgery was a success. They were able to remove the excess blood from your brain before it caused any major damage. With some good solid rest…you should make a full recovery."

"Thank god," Casey whispers as Boden nods. "And Kelly?"

"I see they didn't cure him of his impatience," Severide retorts as he slowly approaches the bed.

"You two need rest. Kelly, tell him what he needs to know and then I want you both to get some sleep. This time…follow this order."

"I think he did this to get another month off," Severide gently teases Casey, who tries to offer a smile; his face, however, displaying what looks more like a grimace.

"I'll see you both in the morning."

Casey's eyes follow Boden out the door and then look back at Severide. "What…happened?"

"I helped save your life."

"What? No…I was…wait…what?" Casey's lips stammer as he tries to remember all the events in the smoky apartment interior. "Kelly…it was just me…that was struck. The beam…fell on me…only me."

"Yeah that's right. The doctor's helped your hard head," Severide tosses at him lightly. "But…well I helped with the other part."

"What…other part? What happened?"

_'I have…okay here's the straight facts…' _Severide's mind thinks back a few hours to when they were being confronted by the doctor regarding Casey's sudden medical downturn. _'His right kidney was nearly completely destroyed from the fall. It was punctured and damaged beyond repair. We removed it and we thought we were in the clear. We aren't. Now we might have to remove the other.'_

_'What?' Severide half shouted. 'Doctor you can't…he…what does that mean?'_

_'It's a last resort and we'll hook him up to a dialysis machine temporarily and start the search for a new kidney but it will take time. His body has undergone a lot of trauma and he's fighting to come back but…but this is a setback and time is of the essence. If the left kidney fails he could be in serious trouble.'_

_'What's his blood type?'_

_'Kelly?'_

_'I'm not losing another one chief…not another close friend…not like this. I couldn't help save Andy but I can help save Matt. What blood type is he? Use mine…I beg of you…use mine.'_

_'Mr. Severide…'_

_'I've already signed the consent forms for an organ donor and…look you said time is running out right? Please doc…do whatever you have to do. Don't take the chance with his life. Don't wait until the other one fails. Just…he won't go out like this. Not like this. Please…'_

"What? I lost…a kidney and you…" Casey's lips stammer as his brain races to process everything. "You gave me one of yours? Is this…a joke?"

"Thanks a lot," Severide retorts lightly. "You think I put this lame gown on for sympathy?" He asks as Casey nods.

"Maybe to…get a date."

"Nah you're the one that likes nurses," Severide gently chuckles before his face turns serious again. "I wasn't going to let you die."

"But this…"

"Yeah is going to sideline you for a few months and me for at least a month but…there was no other way. No other option."

Casey looks up with a weak expression as his eyes instantly water with realization. "Thank you…doesn't seem enough."

"I know you would have done the same for me. Knew you'd never give up and I wasn't about to either. We've been through too much together to let it end like that, right? Not after we saved our house. Couldn't just give up. You didn't…you put the idea into our minds to rally the troops…all of us. But it was you. And when you needed the troops…we rallied for you."

"Okay," Casey replies as he tries to swallow. "Hurts…Kelly…really?" He asks in disbelief. "You really gave me your kidney?"

"Gives new meaning to the word blood…brothers…or organ brothers?" Severide snickers as Casey's frame slightly recoils. "Sorry…hey hold on a sec…just take it easy," he offers in haste as one of the nurse's rushes into the room; Maria the nurse from earlier.

"What's going on in here?" She gently scolds. "He should be resting. You both should be."

"I'm…okay," Casey tries to tell her as his body temperature slightly rises.

"He just coughed," Severide replies in his impish defense.

They both watch her take her leave after she checks her vitals; Severide's face coming into view with a concerned expression. "That was close."

"I'm okay…just tired…and my mouth…it's so dry."

"You can't drink…you gotta get used to…"

"Having a bit of Kelly in me," Casey gently smirks as Severide smiles and nods. "You know Shay….will tease us endlessly about this."

"I am aware. I had to Matt. There was no other choice. Couldn't just let you get hooked up to those damn machines…and leave you…waiting."

"I just…Kelly wow…thank you. It just doesn't seem enough," Casey frowns.

"Buy me a case when we get out and we'll call it even," Severide retorts as Casey tries to chuckle, but ends up coughing hoarsely, his throat gently gasping. "Sorry…hey hold on."

"I'm…it hurts…to swallow."

"No saliva. Want an ice chip? I think you can have a small one."

"Sure," Casey nods slowly as he watches Severide disappear from view and then looks up at the monitors. There were the standard vitals and heart monitor but the other was for his new organ…the organ selflessly donated to him by his best friend…his literal life saver.

"Hey…you still want this?" Severide's voice pulls Casey's weary gaze back to him.

"I heard another voice…earlier…a kid. Who was it?"

"Nathan was by," Severide informs him in truth. "He…drew this for us," Severide holds up a picture of two Red fire trucks with a myriad of little black men around them, one called Kelly and the other Matt.

"Sweet boy."

"Yeah, he's a special kid. Here…okay just one more," Severide offers Casey a small chip and then frowns as he tries to swallow. "When you didn't answer… that damn locator was going off and we saw that beam on you and then…I know we both take chances but watching you come out with blood under your mask and then you not responding…the small seizure in the ambulance and not answering us…I thought the worst. Was hard to watch all that and keep a positive head. Thought the worst. Sorry man."

"I would have too…if I had seen what you had," Casey admits weakly. "I'm just glad…we can still work together."

"McLeod couldn't scare us off," Severide mentions lightly as he gently wipes way a bit of water dribble coming from Casey's mouth. "Okay…no more talking now. You look like you're fighting sleep."

"Afraid…to fall asleep. Might not…wake up."

"You will and when you wake you'll be a whole lot smarter," Severide grins.

"Smarter? Got your kidney…not your brain," Casey gently smirks as Severide shakes his head and offers a gentle hair ruffle.

"You sound like me already," he retorts as he pulls the second blanket up to Casey's shoulders.

"Knew…you'd never give up."

"Never. Giving up wasn't an option…no matter what. We'll just both have to be a bit more careful and you'll have to adjust to a few more things but…but we're both alive…that's what really counts right?"

"Right," Casey nods as he offers his friend a warm smile.

"Now get some sleep before Boden grounds me for keeping you up."

"What?"

"Well he's already grounded you."

"What?" Casey asks once more as Severide just smiles.

"We'll talk more in the morning."

Casey nods before his heavy eyelids finally close, Severide watching over him for a few moments longer until he turns off the light and then climbs into his small bed for the night. His own surgery had been a success; his body also needing time to recover but unlike Casey's, there was no head or spine trauma to recover from and no new organ to adjust to. But he meant what he said…giving up on a close friend was never an option…he had made a promise to himself that when they entered the hospital, he wouldn't be leaving unless Casey was at his side – alive. That promise was coming true and that peace of mind carries him into the darkness as well; a whispered goodnight lingering in the air, bringing both of them comfort and bonding them even more.

"Goodnight…brother."

* * *

**A/N: **Well? I'm sorry I have been really struggling with some solid CF #teamsevasey bromance inspiration as of late so I hope this was okay and you liked it a little. Of course I couldn't let Casey die *sigh* but I wanted a real broment b/c I don't know what'll happen but I'm sure they'll just come back and Casey will be okay (yes I have to tell myself that!). did you like that Severide gave Casey a part of him in this? Thoughts? Could Casey ever truly repay his friend? Okay so I can leave it there or add one more chappy. I've already done a few Casey recovery stories lol and have a lot of other ideas and stories to get to but if you all liked this enough and want to see a bit more TLC and recovery for our boys please let me know in your review (that's the only avenue Alice listens to hehe and we have a few weeks to get through) thanks everyone!

**PS: On a side note – I'm not sure if I'll go beyond my writing goal this year (maybe) but if not I wanted to say I have reached my 2013 goal of getting to a total of 325 stories (this one is #325) and this is my 40****th**** Chicago Fire story and I know it's b/c you all are all amazing supporters who's reviews have kept me writing more and I hope to keep making new stories and one shots in the new year! But yes I will continue to update existing stories lol I meant not sure there will be any more brand new ones! lol **** THANK YOU ALL! **


	2. Reshaping the Future

**Title: Never Give Up  
****Chapter 2 – Reshaping the Future**

**A/N: **Hey thanks everyone! I know a few had suggested some temporary memory loss but I already did a story with that so I'm so glad you all liked the kidney donation idea AND because so many of you liked it I was inspired to add some more. It's going to be another angsty roller-coaster ride (which we all love best for our boys hehe) so please enjoy and thanks so much!

* * *

_'Why do you take such chances Matt?'_

_'Hermann has a family…I couldn't let them lose their father.'_

_'If you had a family would you take less chances?'_

_'I…'_

_'That's just it Matt…it's inbred into you, you wouldn't. I just don't that to be what finally takes you for good. I couldn't bear it.'_

Casey's watery eyes gently flutter as he slowly opens them; Hallie's image fading from his view, the memory from the past being tucked away for another time. His memory flashes back to yesterday…coming to in the ER surgical room, being told about his head injury…coming out of surgery – the drainage of the excess blood and fluid was a success. But then…_'He's crashing!' _his world started to darken once more…and when he awoke the second time he was told that he had lost his right kidney – damaged…shattered beyond repair in the injury. _'We nearly lost the left one but Mr. Severide donated one of his. He saved your life…saved your life…saved…'_

Casey tries to prop himself up on his elbows, but the sudden movement forces the tubing to kink and the monitors to scream, Casey slumping down with a heavy sigh as Severide struggles to awaken and the nurse comes rushing into his room.

"I just…tried to sit up," Casey states in his defense as Severide looks at him in concern.

"Please use this device from now on," the nurse reminds him as she hands him the small device. "The doctor will be in to see you both shortly."

"Thanks," Casey mutters as he watches her check his fluid levels and catheter bag and then leave. "It's um…the bag is empty."

"Your body needs time to adjust."

"Right," Casey replies with a heavy sigh as he looks down at the bag and then back up at Severide. "So uh…how long do you think we have to stay here?"

"For you Mr. Casey four to five days. For you Mr. Severide, about two to three days depending on how your recovery goes. Good morning. I'm Doctor Kyle Tennyson," he tells them. "I know you both must have a lot of questions after all that, so I'll talk to and examine each of you individually."

"When can we get back to work?" Casey asks in haste as the older man looks down with a small frown.

"You just came through a very traumatic situation Mr. Casey and…"

"Please call me Matt."

"Okay Matt. Things will return to normal…but not right away. How are you feeling this morning?"

"Anxious. I uh…" Casey pauses as he looks over at Severide and then back up at the doctor. "I've had minor surgeries before but um…I just want to go home and try to forget…"

"Hey hold on a sec," Dr. Tennyson's hand rests on Casey's shoulder as he gently pushes him back down to his bed, Severide looking at Casey in wonder. "You just need to take it easy Matt. I know this is going to be very new and frustrating for you, especially when I outline the recovery process but…"

"Process?" Casey asks weakly. "You mean it's longer than a few days?"

"I take it you and Mr. Severide are friends?"

"Yes but…"

"Close friends?"

"Yes but…" Casey tries once more as his anxiety starts to gain momentum. "I thanked him."

Dr. Tennyson offers him a small smile as he looks over at Severide and then back to Casey. "It's best if I talk to each of you indiv…"

"You can tell us at the same time. It's bad right? I can't ever go back to work?"

"Hold on a second here. I can see you two are not used to waiting for answers. Matt, your body will have the most work as you received the new organ. We need to keep a close eye on your recovery just to make sure there are no complications and that your body starts to produce urine normally. There will be some soreness and incision around the wound. This is just standard but I do recommend that later on today, the two of you get up and walk…if you can. It'll help with the healing and recovery process and it's also beneficial for your mental wellbeing. The blood types between yourself and Mr. Severide were a match and the transplant itself was successful but we are going to keep you in the hospital for at least four days to start to make sure your immune system doesn't attack the new organ."

"Attack?" Casey asks with a small swallow.

"That is not uncommon unfortunately. But I am going to start you on a prescription of new medications that will include immunosuppressant's that will help the immune system to cooperate. There will be a combination of CellCept, Cyclosporine, Sirolimus, Prograf…other good stuff. I'll check with your current doctor to make sure you're not allergic to any of these," Dr. Tennyson pauses and offers Casey a small smile. "They will help your recovery and organ acceptance."

"And um…how long do I have to take those?"

"The rest of your life," Dr. Tennyson replies matter-of-factly as Casey looks up in shock; Severide's eyes widening at the same time.

"The rest…of my Life?" Casey manages weakly.

"What?" Severide asks just as weakly as Casey looks over with an almost panicked expression that forces his concern to surge. "Is that normal?"

"For any kidney transplant recipient? Yes. We don't want any infections or complications to arise at any time after this going forward and this will…"

"But you mean in the few days while I'm in the hospital, right?" Casey tries in shock.

"No. I literally mean the rest of your life. I am going to put together a schedule of when to take them and in that schedule it'll outline the dosage and how to take them. It'll also tell you what each drug does to help you with your recovery and lifelong acceptance of the new organ. My team is going to get started on this this morning and we'll monitor side effects to make sure when you leave you have everything to start your at home recovery and then…get on with your life."

"But…I have to now take medication for the rest of my life?" Casey asks as his brain fights the urge of his eyes wanting to well.

"You could stop that is your choice of course. But I will warn you in no uncertain terms that if you were to stop there could be a good chance that the body would start to work at rejecting the organ. That threat will never go away as long as you have a different organ in your body. I know this can seem overwhelming but trust me its standard and once you settle back into your regular, daily routine this will all be…just one more thing you do like brushing your teeth after breakfast."

Casey's mind starts to spin as he looks at the doctor and then looks away…his head lightly shaking as he tries to process all that the doctor's just told him. "The rest of my life…" he utters in a half whisper.

"I know it seems daunting right now. But you've just put a foreign object into your body. We did the best we could to make sure it was as close a match to your own as possible but your body will still need help with the acceptance."

"And if I um…" Casey starts and then tries to swallow.

"Didn't want to have it?" Dr. Tennyson asks directly as Casey tries to shake his head no. "It's okay. It's post-surgery remorse. Simple truth, Mr. Severide really did save your life. Your body was failing and your friend saved your life. This all seems a little overwhelming to take in and when I outline your recovery process for the next few months you'll…"

"Months? I'm stuck here for months?" Casey asks as his stomach starts to lurch and his head swim with dizzying pain. "I uh…."

"No not…Matt?" Dr. Tennyson states as he quickly leans in and touches Casey's face, glancing up to see his monitors starting to scream.

"What's going on?" Severide asks in haste as he slowly tries to get out of his own bed, always mindful of the catheter attached.

Casey's body starts to buckle as he tosses his head forward and throws up water bile.

"Matt!"

"It's okay…" Dr. Tennyson tries to assure a panicked Severide as two nurses rush in to help. "Deep breath Matt…" Dr. Tennyson instructs as Casey's breathing starts to slow and his lungs ease in their heaving. "He'll be okay…just take a deep breath Matt."

A few anxious moments pass before Casey's body starts to return to normal, his flushed face being offered some relief from a cold cloth from the nurse. "That's it Matt…deep breath…it's going to be okay," Dr. Tennyson continues to try to calm Casey down; Severide watching in utter anxiety. "Better now?"

"Please doc…just tell me how long…get all the bad news over with," Casey begs in haste as Dr. Tennyson's face gently softens.

"Matt, if you could give up a few months for the rest of your life would you?" Dr. Tennyson asks directly as Casey looks down with a sheepish expression.

"Just…tell me," he mutters under his breath.

"I know you are used to a very busy, hectic and fast paced profession. But when you leave and are ready to return to work in a few weeks, I'll send through a modified work schedule to Chief Boden and you two will work together to make this right for you."

"Modified? I can't…doc I can't do modified," Casey insists stubbornly.

"You will," Dr. Tennyson offers Casey as warm smile.

"How um…how modified? A few weeks and then…"

"A bit more than that. Matt you've just undergone major surgery. Despite the fact there was very little blood loss and the surgery was a success it was a major operation. Losing organs and having a new one put in isn't like setting a broken leg or even draining the fluid from your brain. Your body has to get used to this and it will take time. Now for at least six to eight weeks after you leave here it's important that you do not lift any heavy objects or do strenuous physical work. It's important that you don't lift anything heavier than 20 pounds for two to three months and then nothing heavier than 40 for about four to six after your surgery. So if you want to start your countdown….start from today."

"This isn't…happening…" Casey gently gasps, "nothing over 40 pounds for half a year? Doc I'm a firefighter!" Casey hisses as he looks over at Severide. "And how long for him?"

"It's considerably lesser time that…"

"So he gets to return to life normally in a few weeks and I have to…" Casey tosses out bitterly as Severide frowns.

"It's only six months."

"Six…months…no doc I…I can't…" Casey shakes his head as his stomach continues to tighten with anxiety.

"I'm sorry Matt, I'm not going to lie to you. If you had an office job it would be a bit different but you have a very physically demanding, strenuous job that requires a lot of wear and tear on your body. You take it for granted when it was working properly. Now these are just the general guidelines and I have a duty to give them all to you no matter how hard it seems to be for you to hear and digest. This all depends on how well you take care of yourself and how fast your recovery is. It's different for each patient."

"Any other bad news?" Casey asks sourly.

"I'm not one to sugar coat things Matt. There will be some driving restrictions. Avoiding rough, contact sports and a few other things. Exercise, however, is encouraged and I have a team of transplant experts that are available any time to answer any questions you might have. As I said, this is all very new and scary and a lot to digest all at once. For the next few days I'm going to keep you on the liquid diet to see how your kidneys start to function and then the day before you go we'll start you back on regular food and send you on your way. Nothing else was damaged internally so that is very positive. Matt?"

"Yeah…I uh….six months…"

"You are looking only at the negative. You have your life back. You suffered no brain damage and so far there have been no other internal complications. I have given you all the straight up facts and I'll come back a bit later with all this outlined in writing so you'll see that it's not me taking pleasure in seeing you so dejected by all this."

"I just want…to get back to normal."

"And you will be," Dr. Tennyson replies as he gives his shoulder a small squeeze. "You're going to be just fine Matt…with a little bit of time."

"Okay."

Casey's weary eyes watch Dr. Tennyson take his leave and then rest on Severide's heavy frown. "I uh…Kelly I'm sorry about earlier," he starts as Severide slowly nears his bed. "I didn't mean to sound ungrateful but um…I was just…"

"Angry?"

"Scared," Casey admits in a sad whisper. "I'm scared Kelly," he admits as he looks up with soft frown. "I didn't want to die but this…this is all so overwhelming. Medication for the rest of my life?" He barely manages as his throat tries to swallow the large lump of emotion that has just formed. He leans back in his bed, turning his head as a few tears escape. He quickly wipes them before he turns back and looks up at Severide in misery. "I'll never be able to retu…"

"No way," Severide quickly interjects. "Don't you dare think about quitting. You're not a quitter."

"I can't work like this!" Casey half shouts as his fists ball and he tries to sit up. But he instantly feels the pressure upon his fresh wound in his lower back and instantly cries out in pain. "AHHHHHH!"

"Matt!"

"Mr. Casey ar…"

"I'M FINE!" Casey shouts as he looks away in anger. "I'm…fine!" His voice lowers as he looks at Severide in misery. "I'm fine," his voice dies out into a soft whisper as Dr. Tennyson returns with a strained expression.

"What happened?" Dr. Tennyson asks in haste.

"I…I tried to sit up and…I'm fine."

"It hurt?" The older man asks in a kindly tone as Casey returns a small nod of defeat. "That's normal and a good warning sign for you to just take it easy today. No sudden or harsh movements."

"Point…taken."

"Today will have been the hardest through this all Matt. You've recovered from a serious operation and then woke up and told your life has changed overnight without your input. But it will get better, I promise. I want to do a private examination for both of you. Mr. Severide…"

"Kelly."

"Kelly. You're first," Dr. Tennyson gestures for him to get back to his own bed. Casey watches Severide head back to his side of the ICU recovery room and the curtains drawn; turning his eyes back to the monitors a few seconds later. He watches them continue to steadily beep away but that doesn't numb his misery, if anything the monotonous tone adds to his inner contention. _Six months…I'll be useless for six months! I'll be no better than…no I'll be lesser than a candidate…I can't do this…can't go back and tell my team…I…_his voice trails off as he hears Dr. Tennyson telling Severide his own personal modified recovery schedule and feels his heart sink.

Severide looks up at Dr. Tennyson with a strained expression before he looks away. "Doc…six months?" He asks in a hushed whisper as he looks back up.

"He's going to be fine. It's hard for active young men, especially, to be told that things are going to change that drastically at first. I know he sounds resentful and that might build over the next few days while he remains in the transplant recovery area until he's discharged. Don't take it personally."

"I won't but um…doc it's hard to hear that also."

"I know it is. But it's obvious you care for him."

"He's the only brother I've ever known."

"He will be just fine. Now…let's talk about you. We were able to perform the surgery by Laparascope so the recovery time will be considerably shorter than if we had to do it by open incision. Now with this surgery, typically it can take as short as four weeks, but I tell my patients that it can be as long as twelve and especially in your line of work you don't want to rush anything. My recommendation to Chief Boden will be eight weeks of recovery time."

"Two…months?" Severide manages as Dr. Tennyson rewards him with a weak smile as they both hear Casey offer a small curse. "Right…"

"Much like Matt you'll have to come back for a few checkups to see how things are but since you didn't take anything new into you, I only have to prescribe something for the pain…which you can stop taking once it goes away."

"Does he really have to be on medication for the rest of his life?"

"If he wants to live he does," Dr. Tennyson answers in truth. "When you come back for your first checkup we'll make sure that no infection has occurred, if it has then we'll give you antibiotics. But having seen your past medical history and recovery time, I think you should be just fine."

"Okay."

"Much like Matt at first you refrain from driving for the first few weeks of recovery and then make sure you have kept up daily exercises to strengthen yourself so you're able to get back to that task. I know you guys have to keep yourself in pretty good physical shape, so recommending a daily exercise routine shouldn't be something too hard to keep up. But I don't want you to take anything for granted either."

"That's it?" Severide asks with a small frown as Dr. Tennyson continues his examination.

"In a few hours I want you to get up and try to go for a walk with Matt. He might not want to and that's up to him, but the sooner he is up and mobile the better. Walking is very important for your recovery and if you can walk every day and a bit further, even better. The final day for you I want you to walk a flight of stairs. But we'll discuss that a bit later. If you feel, tired rest. Plenty of rest, fluids and a normal diet are important to help your body recover as fast as possible."

"And Matt?"

"The better care he takes the faster he'll recover. If he's strict with his medication and self-care, the recovery time could be reduced. But please, I don't want you to agree with him to push himself too soon. It could have serious repercussions on his health. I am going to recommend no travel outside the US for at least three to four months to allow the wound to fully heal stave off foreign infection and…and that's all I'll say right now," Dr. Tennyson concludes with a warm smile. "I'll come back with a full write up for you also. You're both going to be fine and now share a very special bond."

"I just feel…he's so resentful about all this."

"He'll come around. I gave him all the hard facts and there are no more surprises waiting. He'll be fine. How's the catheter insert?"

"When can it come out?"

"Well don't shoot the messenger," Dr. Tennyson lightly smiles, "these two intravenous lines will remain so that we can keep you hydrated and much like Matt, administer some liquid pain medication; he has a few other things in his. We also need to monitor your bladder and kidneys to make sure everything is functioning normally, on track or if something is impeding the recovery process. You might not have to urinate much today, and as you see from the bag, much like Matt, very little overnight. The body doesn't have much fluid in it yet and it's still trying to compensate with the new changes. But in about two days they'll come out and everything will start to work normally again; at least that is the plan. A few hours after they come out, try taking in some water and see what happens. All goes well you'll be back on solid food and normal drink within no time. I would recommend to limit your alcohol intake while on the strong pain medication."

"Wow…okay thanks doc…just a lot to take in."

"Take a look…the scar isn't infected and everything seems to be on track. I'll check on Matt and then let you two talk things through a bit more on your own."

"Thanks doc."

Casey quickly looks away; not wanting to seem like he was listening intently, despite the fact he was. _His recovery time is twelve weeks at most? That…that isn't fair…he gave you a part of him! Don't be selfish! _Casey's mind argues back in two different directions and he knows the latter part was right. How could he blame Kelly for his current plight? Without his selfless intervention he could be dead. _It's not fair for me to put my own personal misery onto my friend who…who literally saved my life._

"Okay I'll tell you the same I told Kelly about the catheter, how long it has to stay in and the purpose of the tubing and kidney function."

Casey listens to all that Dr. Tennyson has to say, his eyes intently watching the older man as he checks the fluid bag and what the purpose of each one was. He notices a male nurse near and instantly tenses.

"Roger is going to help me turn you onto your side. Maria is going to hold up the mirror so you can see where the incision was made and how it's healing."

"Okay," Casey replies in a somewhat timid tone, feeling suddenly isolated and alone in a room with only strangers and the curtains drawn keeping Severide out. He feels his stomach tighten and as soon as Dr. Tennyson's hands start to gently touch his lower back and move lower his whole body seizes and his monitors start to get excited. Even more so when the strange male nurse starts to bodily handle him.

"Matt…I want you just to relax. I'm just going to check the wound to make sure it's as it should be."

"Sure," Casey agrees through gritted teeth as he clutches his pillow and closes his eyes.

Dr. Tennyson notices Matt's back starting to gently shake and his monitor's continue to get excited and whispers to Maria to get Severide.

"Everything okay in here?" Severide asks as Casey looks up in haste. At first he gently frowns, his mind further agitated that he's got less privacy, but as he looks at Severide's sympathetic expression his heart rate starts to slow and his vitals return to normal.

"How's it look?" Casey asks softly as he gently winces.

"Does that hurt?"

"Yes. Is it supposed to?" Casey asks in worried concern.

"Yes. It will be tender for a few days and that is normal. But everything looks on track right now," Dr. Tennyson states as he covers up the wound, pulls Casey's gown back down and then helps him return to his normal position; Maria and the male orderly taking their leave.

"Feeling tired…for both of you for the next few days especially is normal…Matt for you more so. The only time you really need to worry is in a few weeks, when you are eating, sleeping and exercising normally."

"Normal…" Casey manages through gritted teeth as Severide frowns and Dr. Tennyson offers him a small smile.

"Yes believe it or not life will return to normal in a few months. Okay I'm going to get started on a few things for you both and will be back later. Remember what I said…a bit of walking will help you both. We have a lovely terrace at the end of the floor. Do you have someone coming who can bring you a few personal things?"

"Yeah we do," Severide mentions as Casey looks up in wonder. "Thanks."

"Okay. I want you just to rest now. A few hours of sleep, and then try to get up and go for a walk into the hallway and down a few meters and then come back and rest. I'll be back later."

Both of them watch the doctor leave and then Severide quickly turns to Casey in concern.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm just…angry and scared and agitated and…angry. I did this to myself…I…I should have let the baby die…" his voice dies out as his eyes water. "Kelly…I'm sorry…I couldn't do that either."

"I know. It's not in you to do that…not in any of us. Hermann wanted to go…we all would have," Severide reminds him in a kind tone as his fingers rest on his shoulder and gently squeeze. "You heard the screams…you couldn't have just turned and let it suffocate and then burn to death."

"No…no I couldn't," Casey lightly laments as he looks away and then tries again to swallow. "A few more seconds…I could have moved a few more feet and…"

"What if that beam landed right on your head? You said only part of the beam but it was mostly your helmet. But what if that beam landed right on your head and killed you instantly? Or your spine and paralyzed you?"

"I know…I just…I know…I know it could be a lot worse," Casey huffs as he looks back up. "Boden's coming by today?"

"And Shay. She's bringing us both a care package. And I told her a deck of cards and my portable DVD player."

"No scary movies."

"Oh really?" Severide snickers as Casey purses his lips. "You uh…wanna walk for a bit?"

"No. I just…I'm tired and want to…wallow."

"Is it safe to enter?"

Both of them turn to see Shay hovering near the entranceway with two duffle bags in her grasp. "I missed the hug right?"

"Like this?" Casey asks weakly as she nears his bedside.

"Oh a half hug will suffice," she lightly groans as she hugs Severide and then leans over the bed rail and hugs Casey. "See…easy."

"We're content to watch you do it," Severide teases her as she looks at his gown.

"Nice."

"You brought my robe right?"

"Yes and Casey's too and a few other things. So catheter…gotta love those."

"Want mine?" Severide tosses back in sarcasm as she holds up her hands and shakes her head no.

"Everyone is asking when they can come visit. I told them all tomorrow after you two have rested up a bit more."

"Thank you."

"So how does it feel to have a Kelly inside you?"

"Why when you ask like that does it sound perverted?" Casey retorts with a groan as she wags her brows and then laughs; Severide shaking his head at his roommate's lame joke.

"Any issues so far?"

"Uh…no," Casey replies, holding back his own personal disdain about his modified life for the next six months.

"Ok-ay," Shay replies with a small eye roll as she places Casey's duffle bag onto the table beside his bed and hands Severide his. Shay stays for about an hour, talking with them about their recovery and how they were feeling after their surgery and then telling them that Boden would be by a bit later in the day as he was held up with some stuff at work now that 51 was back in full business. Casey finally tells them he's feeling sleepy and the Shay gives him a hug and a kiss on the cheek and then her and Severide step outside to talk a bit longer.

"So what isn't Matt telling me?" Shay asks as soon as they were out of earshot.

"He uh…he'll have to be on modified work duty for maybe up to six months."

"Six…wow."

"Yeah…so he's…"

"Bitter."

"And a bit resentful," Severide replies with a small sigh. "At least it happened at work and he can get some compensation but…I don't blame him I just…"

"Kelly you saved his life. He'll come around. If not, you can just smother him with a pillow," Shay gently teases as Severide offers her a small smile. "But you know I'm in this for the long haul too okay? I'll help in any way I can."

"I'm glad you're here and I'm glad we can take care of Matt together. At least at first."

"That's what friends are for right?"

"Right."

The two of them talk a bit longer before Shay notices Severide trying to hold back fatigue and gives him one more hug, telling him she'd try to stop by the next day if possible, either that the day after. Severide watches her go and then turns and heads back toward his shared room with Casey, hoping his friend is sleeping and getting the rest his body so desperately needs.

Severide rounds the corner to their room, but instead of offering his sleeping friend a kind smile, he looks at the empty bed in surprise. He slowly heads for the bathroom to see if maybe Casey had gone in to clean up a bit or whatever. He lightly knocks and then waits.

Silence.

"Matt?" He calls out before he opens the door; only to find it empty. "What the…" he huffs as he quickly turns to see Casey's duffle bag gone.

Another nurse pokes her head in and Severide looks at her in wonder. "The man that was just here…Matt Casey…where'd he go?"

"He left."

"I can see that but where he'd go?"

"He left the hospital."

"WHAT?"

* * *

**A/N:** Okay so I know this chappy was heavy on the medical jargon and I hope it wasn't too boring but sometimes TV shows gloss over recovery for surgery and I wanted to show just what Casey was facing b/c that's what he'd face in RL (those are the basic stats for kidney recovery operations but of course they differ with each person). Not sure how long this story will be (will depend on your reviews and if you want more) and I won't drag out the recovery either but I just had to show what our boys – both of them would face after such an operation. Hope that's okay! So where has Matt gone? Did he really just get up and leave? And when he sees just how modified things are will his resentment surge and strain their friendship? Please do review with your thoughts before you go and thanks so much!


	3. A Peaceful Recovery?

**Title: Never Give Up  
****Chapter 3 – A Peaceful Recovery?**

**A/N: **Well I'm sure you have all seen by now that Casey is going to be okay on our show and sadly they are going to just gloss over his hospital stay (b/c the show returns with him at work as per the write-up) but I want to show a bit more of what adjusting to a major recovery would be like and some of the major recovery milestones. So I hope you all want that also from this angsty story and as always Alice will toss in a few curves to keep you all on your toes enjoy!

* * *

"Okay…what do you mean he left? He just had major surgery! He couldn't even walk much…ah…." Severide's statement to the surprised nurse dies out into an angry growl as he pushes past her and heads toward the unit station nurse. "Where is…Matt Casey!"

"Kelly?"

"Doctor Tennyson…where's Matt? The nurse said he checked himself out," Severide offers in haste as Dr. Tennyson offers a small frown in return. "Did he really leave? Can he just up and do that?"

"Sorry. The nurse's just changed shifts and Maria is upstairs with Matt. Nurse Smith's patient checked out but the clerk's also changed shifts and didn't update her charts properly, sorry for the mix-up. Matt's been taken to a room in the transplant recovery unit. The team there is trained to specifically deal with organ transplant recovery. But he did want to leave. Wanted to just get up and go home."

"Doc…"

"He's raw, he's tired he's just been handed some very tough news but I was able to reason with him in a calm manner and that tells me that he's just…"

"Scared," Severide completes the statement in a whisper to which Dr. Tennyson nods. "He told me that."

"He told me that too and then he collapsed in my arms."

"What?" Severide asks weakly. "Where is he? Is he okay?"

"Get your bag and come with me. I'm sorry I thought the porters would have brought both your things. He's resting as it should be. He's stubborn."

"Very. That's what got him into trouble," Severide admits softly.

"He's tired and weak and his system isn't working normally. He's worried and all he can see right now is the small picture. In a few days when he's up and active and his system is working normally, his attitude will change. You'll see."

"You sure?"

"I am," Dr. Tennyson answers with a warm smile. "I've seen this before. Matt's attitude might be surprising and a bit disappointing to you in this case but it's not to us. He just needs some positive reinforcement that in a few months his life will return to normal and it will. The unit we'll be at in a few minutes has staff trained to deal with this kind of situation. So if you have any questions, either of you, please ask them."

"I will. Thanks doc," Severide replies with a friendly smile in return. "I'm glad you didn't let him leave."

"Trust me he wouldn't have gotten very far even if I showed him to the front door," Dr. Tennyson reminds him gravely. They round the corner to the quieter unit, Severide thankful for the slippers and housecoat that Shay had given him so he wouldn't be as exposed. But he still couldn't believe Casey tried to leave. _You can't? _His mind tosses back as he's forced to inwardly agree with his own reasoning's.

They near the room and Severide looks inside to see Casey look up with a sheepish expression and then softly nod.

"Ah reunited," Dr. Tennyson states loudly as he looks over at Casey who merely frowns. "This room will be a bit more conducive to resting than down in ICU. Matt, I want you to rest a few more hours and then get up and walk."

"Don't worry doc…he will," Severide utters firmly as Casey looks back up in defeat.

"Good to hear. Maria will be back to check on the fluid bags in an hour and I'll be back tomorrow unless there is anything urgent."

"Thanks doc," both utter at once as they watch Dr. Tennyson leave. But as soon as the older man vacates the room the entire way both of them speak at once.

"Kelly, I can exp…"

"Matt, what the hell were you thinking!" Severide growls as he drops his bag on his bed and then nears Casey's, Casey looking up with pursed lips. "You actually tried to leave? Like this? Bare assed and pathetic!"

"Okay so I wasn't thinking!" Casey shouts back as his lips emit their own low growl.

"No you weren't! You just had major surgery! What happens if you had reopened the wound or something bled out?"

"I…I was wrong…" Casey groans as he slumps back in his bed and looks up in remorse. "I got as far as the hallway and collapsed in Dr. Tennyson's arms. Then I woke up here. I'm sorry."

"Matt, I'm not…"

"What I implied earlier was wrong. I didn't mean to sound ungrateful," Casey's expression softens but his frown remains as he looks up in sorrow. "Besides as soon as I felt the wind on my bare ass I knew I wasn't getting too far," he concludes in a small smirk.

"Yeah why do you think I put on my coat as soon as Shay brought it. Yours is in there also."

"I'm too tired to walk right now."

"You look tired."

"Didn't sleep much. I can't…I keep wondering what's going to happen when I go back to work where I'll be told I can't even lift a ladder."

"Wanna be my hose man?" Severide tosses back, evoking a small chuckle from Casey. "Blame Shay for that one."

"Oh I will. I just…" he huffs as he rubs his weary face and then pauses as his hands come back from touching the back of his head.

"Surgery bandage."

"Damn forgot about that."

"Get some rest and then we'll get up and walk a bit."

"Kelly…"

"What? I'm stuck here too okay? Better for us two of us to walk bare assed down the hallway instead of just one," Severide snickers as Casey shakes his head. "Shay brought you slippers also. Doctor's orders?"

"Yeah."

"Mat…"

"I'm not mad. I'm just…I don't blame you Kelly…I can't. You literally saved my life. I'm angry at myself and I just need…I just wanted to go home, sleep in my own bed and then wake up thinking this was all a bad nightmare. But I know it's real and I just…I gotta learn to deal with all this."

"After you get some sleep," Severide tells him as he pulls the blanket over his legs.

Casey gives him a nod and then pulls the blanket up the rest of the way, looking at the catheter bag and then up at Severide with a small expression of hope. The very bottom of the bag was finally showing some pale liquid – a sign the new kidney was starting to function properly. His eyes lightly water as he looks away. "Sorry," he whispers so softly, Severide actually had to lean in to hear.

"Hey it's okay," Severide remarks as his hand rests on Casey's shoulder; Casey shaking his head and quickly wiping his nose.

"Never thought I'd be so happy to see pee," Casey snickers as he lightly sniffles as Severide grins.

"Small steps right?"

"Right."

Casey wipes his nose once more and then buries down under the blanket a bit more and watches Severide head back to his bed and climb inside. His eyes finally close; his brain urging him to focus on the bigger picture. In a few months, he'd be fully healed and this would be an adventure to talk about over a late night beer.

A few hours later, Casey slowly opens his eyes and looks over to see Severide asleep. He offers his friend a kind smile as he looks up at the monitors and then down at the catheter bag and frowns. No change. The small amount of liquid that had been there earlier was still the same amount – nothing had been added to it.

With a frustrated sigh he looks to the right and spies his duffle bag, his mind actually feeling a bit anxious and restless for some more physical movement for the first time in hours. He slowly raises his bed and then stretches out his arm, unable to reach the bag on first try. With a small huff he slumps back down, takes a deep breath and then tries again. Nothing.

"That works a lot better if you're standing beside it," Severide's voice pipes up, making Casey look up in wonder. "At least you decided walking bare assed wasn't a good idea," he snickers as he opens Casey's duffle bag.

"Yeah I don't want that kind of attention," Casey deadpans.

Casey swings his legs over the edge of the bed and allows the small burst of dizziness to subside before he allows Severide's strong arm to help him stand up and then steady himself before shoving his feet into his slippers and then slipping his arms into his robe and pulling the belts tightly around his waist, his mind taking comfort in the added warmth the thick layer of fleece was offering.

"You okay to walk?"

"I'd rather just sit and wallow but I know that's not good," Casey gently groans as his fingers can't help but migrate to the back of his head, gingerly touching the bandage and then looking at Severide with a small frown. "It feels…weird."

"Well your head is pretty hard," Severide retorts as Casey grabs the catheter bag handle and then starts to slowly walk beside Severide toward the door of the room.

"My legs feel like cotton for some reason," Casey grumbles as he takes a deep breath. "How um…are you feeling?"

"Stiff…sore…anxious also. Matt…"

"No. I have to ask. I know I might sound bitter but um…I am, but not toward you. I did this and I have to remember that. You…saved my life and it's not fair. So I'm sorry."

"Hey I get it man I really do. When I was told I'd be off for a month man…it sucked. Felt like it was the worst news ever. But then…Matt you would have died. Or else been hooked up to a damn machine for who knows how long."

"I've done nothing but sulked the past almost twenty-four hours," Casey replies glumly as they enter the semi-quiet hallway and then slowly head toward the end of the hall where the entrance to the small outdoor terrace was.

"Yeah that bare ass needs a good thrashing," Severide retorts.

"It's just going to take some getting used to. And I…" Casey pauses as he feels a cramp coming on. "I just…ah…"

"Matt? What's going on?" Severide asks in haste as his smile quickly morphs into a frown.

"Cramp…I just…oh god it hurts," Casey whispers as his eyes water. "Good thing…I didn't…go home…Kelly…help me."

"Here come on…let's get you back," Severide states as he takes Casey's free arm and gently turns him around and starts to help him toward their room. But a few more feet and Casey's legs start to give way. "Oh damn no…." Severide starts to curse as he feels Casey starting to slip from his grasp.

But just before Casey's weary frame can fully collapse onto the floor, another set of strong arms rushes in to lend some support, both looking up at Boden's concerned expression.

"Good timing," Severide gently praises Boden's interference.

"Chief," Casey gently huffs as Boden's sturdy frame supports most of Casey's weight back to his room, where Dr. Tennyson was waiting.

"Matt, what happened?"

"Stomach cramp or back…something cramped," Casey replies in truth as Boden and Dr. Tennyson help him get settled back in bed, Maria coming back into the room to help reattach the tubing. "I tried to walk as you ordered doc."

"Maybe a bit too far. But your system is just trying to readjust itself. You felt some strength and you walked. You felt weak and you came back. Now you rest and try that again in a few hours," Dr. Tennyson gives Boden a firm smile as he extends his hand.

"Did I damage anything?" Casey asks in concern.

"No. You haven't done much in the past day so your system is still very weak. Just rest and you'll be fine. As you can see by the small amount of urine, the liquids coupled with the small bits of exercise are forcing your system to want to work as they should and that will slowly increase as your body readjusts and gets back on track."

"But it's been almost a whole day and there's so little," Casey frowns.

"Trust me it's normal. You are both right on schedule. I'll let you all visit. You have two strong patient's here Chief Boden."

"These two make me proud Dr. Tennyson."

"I can see why. I'll be back later."

"Came to see how you guys are."

"Good timing."

"You okay?" Severide asks Casey in concern.

"Yeah," Casey nods in haste as he looks up at Boden who looks down with a frown.

"How are you really?" Boden asks firmly.

"I was just tired Chief, honestly…and my body cramped…there's nothing inside me except this stuff and I haven't been up in a whole day," Casey nods to the fluid holder; his holder having an extra bag for the new medication to help with the organ transfer acceptance – a drug that Severide of course didn't have to be on.

"Everyone at the House signed this," Boden holds up the big 'Get Well Soon' card that he had put on the table when he arrived earlier, only to find an empty room and then go in search of his boys. "I know that you two will be anxious to get back but you're both covered and I want you just to rest and don't worry about it."

"It'll take me longer," Casey mentions in a soft whisper as he looks up to see both Boden and Severide look down at the same time.

"Dr. Tennyson brieflly told me the recovery process for both of you. But I know he told you both and I'm sure will again over the next few days. I don't want to spend my time here in a tense discussion that won't help anyone."

"It's okay chief, I um…I know…" Casey stammers as his thoughts trail off.

"I still don't want to sit here and discuss it. So I brought something else to take both your minds off this for a little while."

"A horror movie?" Severide snickers as Casey's brow furrows.

"Anyone for a game of poker?" Boden pulls out a deck of cards.

"Strip poker?" Severide chuckles as Casey purses his lips.

"I already win that one," Boden retorts as all three of them laugh. "How about a regular game."

"I'm in."

"Me too."

Casey and Severide both exchange nods and smiles as Boden wheels the small table up to Casey's bed and Severide gets one of the porters to help him with one of the mobile sleeping chairs; Boden using one of the regular guest chairs.

And for the next two hours, the three of them laughed over the game, talked, discussed and then finally watched as Casey fell asleep; Boden gesturing to Severide it was time to take his leave.

"I'm worried he's dwelling too much on his recovery time."

"As soon as he's back on light duties he'll be okay. We won't let him wallow."

"Okay."

"I'll see you both again in a few days. Take care of each other," Boden gently instructs as he helps Severide get into his own bed.

"We will," Severide promises as he watches Boden finally take his leave. He turns to look at Casey to make sure that he was indeed still okay and then turns off his small overhead light; bathing both in darkness and hoping they'll both get some solid rest throughout the night.

XXXXXXXX

_'I'm sorry Matt…you'll never be a firefighter again. Hand in your badge and here's your pink slip…'_

"No….mmmm…no…"Casey's lips mumble as his stomach tightens; his mind showing him a morbid dream about Boden telling him he was no longer useful and was being let go. Casey's watery eyes snap open as his lungs gently heave. He hears Severide softly snoring and knows it wouldn't be fair for him to wake his sleeping friend just because he was up and restless. His right hand sides over his mussed hair, feeling the large bandage at the back of his head and wondering if he'd have any lingering side effects from the head surgery. _I'm like the walking wounded…_Casey inwardly groans as he tries to shift his position. He manages to get himself up on his left side a bit more, his hand gingerly sliding toward the back and feeling the spot where the new kidney was residing and then the other side where…_one is gone for good._

He looks up at the third bag of liquid – the liquid medication that would soon transform into pill form as soon as he was able to eat and drink normally. He thinks about the small things he used to take for granted…even just going to the bathroom and wonders if there will come a time when he won't wonder about his new changed system – going back to taking for granted the fact that it works as it was designed.

_'Mr. Severide selflessly gave you a part of himself. You'll forever have a special bond…forever…'_

_'Couldn't let you die Matt…or just leave you here hooked up to all those damn machines…'_

Casey's mind swirls around as he thinks about what it really cost his friend…an organ…it wasn't like he offered something minor…he gave up an organ…a whole organ…now we each only have one. _Exactly! So stop being resentful! _Casey knows, however, it's not resentment directed toward Severide – it was resentment directed at himself, that and Hallie's haunting words that clung to his mind and refused to let go. He finally drifts back to sleep, his mind still agitated but his eyes unable to stay open any longer.

A few hours later, it's Severide's turn to awaken first and look over at Casey, happy that's he's actually getting some solid rest. He looks at his own catheter bag and slightly smirks as remembers Casey's dry remark about being happy to see pee. But as he thinks about the fact that he could possibly be leaving before Casey and Casey would be stuck here alone for possibly two whole days, his mind sinks. Would Casey start to wallow once more? Would he still have his private room or would he have to share with someone else? Would that be better or worse?

"Morning," Dr. Tennyson comes into the room, just as Casey's sleepy eyes slowly open. "I have rounds shortly but wanted to check on you two first."

Casey watches Dr. Tennyson head over to Severide, checking his catheter bag and then the fluid levels in the bags on the support system. He offers a small frown as he feels a slight twinge in his back, but decides the from today on he wasn't going to complain about something small; instead he wanted to focus on getting better and back to work as soon as possible.

"And how is Matt this morning?"

"I'm okay Dr. Tennyson but my head itches," he gently moans, referring to the bandage where the surgery was performed to drain the building blood from his brain after his emergency cranial surgery.

"Okay let's see if I can remove that," Dr. Tennyson mentions as Severide watches in wonder. "How did you sleep?"

"Good," Casey replies softly as he looks up; Severide's lips slightly pursing as he knows Casey's by facial expression wasn't exactly being honest. "Not as solid as I'd like but I think it's because I'm in here. When I can go home and rest?"

"In a few more days. Okay the stitching on your scalp here looks a bit dry but it's holding. I'll bring some cream by and that should take the irritation down. You still can't get them wet for a few more days. Okay now let's see the rest of you."

As soon as Dr. Tennyson leaves, Severide slowly climbs out of his bed, puts on his robe and slippers and heads over to Casey's. "Time to move junior," he gently teases as Casey's fingers come away from the back of his head.

"Is my hair shorter there? A bald spot?"

"Trust me Capp won't be getting jealous anytime soon," Severide gently remarks. But as soon as he notices Casey's frown not fading his also grows. "Well yeah…they had to shave the head there to operate. It'll grow back…it's already got some little fuzz."

"Okay," Casey grunts as he tries to get out of bed. Severide takes his arm but feels Casey's stiffen under his grasp. "I want to see what it looks like."

"You're in a hospital. But if you insist…come here," Severide entreats as he guides Casey to the small bathroom and then helps him maneuver so that with the help of a small pocket mirror he could see the scar on the back of his head. "See…not that bad."

"I have a bald spot," Casey gently pouts as Severide snatches the mirror from his grasp. "I want to see the other scars," Casey grabs the mirror back, but as he tries to pull himself up a bit to see his back, his lips suck in and his brow furrows.

"You can see them later," Severide pulls the mirror back and looks at Casey in concern. "You need to walk right now."

"I can't…where's my razor?" Casey mumbles as he pulls away and slowly shuffles back into the main room to get his duffle back.

"Here put this on."

"Tired of staring at my bare ass?" Casey retorts in sarcasm as Severide nods and helps him gently thread his arms through the sleeves and then tie the waist, Casey offering a small thank you but inwardly grateful for the added warmth. He pulls his razor and then looks at his slightly trembling hands.

"Better let me do the honors or you might shave the brows and we'll hafta call you Mr. Clean."

"Just don't…buzz it all."

"I'll only go a bit shorter," Severide tells him as they both slowly head back into the bathroom. Casey looks at his rather haggard appearance in the mirror and then shakes his head. "Trust me," Severide whispers as he turns on the razor. "Just…damn if you're gonna be that…"

"Cut it already. I don't want a glaring spot on the back of my head," Casey grumbles as he works past a small sniffle and then firmly swallows. "It'll all grow back in a few weeks to where it's at right now right?"

"By the time you're back at work nothing will be showing," Severide assures him.

Casey gives him a firm nod and then turns back to the mirror as Severide starts to slowly cut his hair. Keeping true to his word, he didn't buzz Casey as Casey had originally feared but it was noticeably shorter to him. However, the surgery spot on the back of his head now wasn't as noticeable as it was before and his mind takes some comfort in that.

"Less to wash," Casey lightly retorts as he pastes on a firm smile.

"Let's go for a walk," Severide gently pats him on the back as Casey takes the razor and stowing it back in his duffle bag. He reaches the entrance to their room and stops to allow his heart rate to slightly settle and his nerves to calm. He looks into the hallway and then at Severide who shrugs. "No one can see your ass," he snickers as Casey gives him a small eye roll and slowly heads into the hallway. The walk to the small garden atrium was farther than expected and half way there Casey has to stop.

"Where does it hurt?"

"Lower back…kidney's…kidney," he huffs as his right hand gently touches his back; his left clutching the catheter bag. "I'm okay but I think this is as far as I can go," he grumbles as he looks at the exit sign. "I thought I could rush this but going home and all…but I can't can I?"

"Not if you want to heal properly. I know you're the great master of telling everyone you're okay when you're not, but you know this time there will be a few extra eyes watching to make sure that's true."

"I'm sure once I'll leave here and am back at home I'll be fine."

Not wanting to argue too much Severide can only give him a small nod as they turn and head back to their room; not wanting to tell Matt that as soon as he was discharged, he'd be spending at least a week or two with him and Shay to help his recovery. _Matt alone in his place…unsupervised would spell disaster for his recovery. _He knows Casey will not be happy but hopefully he could convince his friend that once again it was for his own good.

"Wanna play some cards?"

"Only if you lie down," Severide states, as he notices Casey slightly falter and quickly grabs his elbow.

"I hate feeling weak…like this," Casey gently gasps as he eases himself down onto the bed. He looks at the catheter bag and feels his mind settle. "At least my body wants to work normally."

"Course it does," Severide grins. "It's a genuine Severide part. They are built to last."

Casey's quickly bites down a rising pang of jealousy, his brain reminding him that it was his own actions that led to him being in this situation and not his best friend's. _Don't be bitter…be you._

"Any strange cravings I should be aware of?" Casey lightly retorts.

"Pickled herring?"

"What? Really?" Casey groans as Severide smiles and wags his brows. "Okay that I can combat. Anything…weird?"

"Weird? You like salted cod. Man that stuff is gross."

"Yeah but it's better than…" Casey starts. And for the next hour the two of them banter back and forth about various types of food they both liked and disliked and Casey insisting that a having Severide's kidney didn't mean he'd start ever liking very scary horror movies or having the same food cravings.

"Finally," Severide whispers as he pulls the blanket over Casey's sleeping frame and then looks over at his duffle bag. He reaches inside for the razor and then looks at Casey with a small frown. "It'll grow back."

XXXXXXXX

Casey awakens a few hours later feeling a bit less agitated than before and a bit more rested; his body thankful that he listened to the signals and rested when he did. He looks over at his catheter bag and smiles as he notices the liquid content had risen. _You know you have taken things for granted when you're grateful for urine. Wow…but I am…that means my body is healing. Thank you God…_Casey's mind offers a silent prayer of gratitude and then looks over at Severide as he slowly rises in his bed. But as he sits fully upright, Casey instantly notices the physical change to his appearance.

"Kelly…what the…when did you…really? You cut your hair also?"

"Solidarity right?" Severide grins as he rubs his freshly shorn head. "Besides…it'll grow back. You know what Shay is going to say right?"

"She missed the moment?" Casey asks as Severide nods and grins. But just before he can offer another word, the overhead paging system goes off; the same time as the alarms. "What the hell?"

"Fire alarm…no big…" is all Severide manages before a voice is heard.

_'Lock down…active shooter in the building. All area's….'_

"What?" They both ask at once as loud footsteps are heard rushing outside in the hallway in their direction.

* * *

**A/N:** hehe so if they can't go to danger maybe…I'll bring danger to them so yes Kelly had to chew Matt out a bit for scaring him the way he did but did Matt finally see the folly of his ways? Did you like Boden dropping by to see his boys and how about their broments in general? Sharing kidney's and matching haircuts! Up next we'll work on getting them discharged and then what happens when they reenter the real world? Would love your thoughts on this as always so please do review before you go and thanks so much!


	4. Highs & Lows

**Title: Never Give Up  
****Chapter 4 – Highs & Lows**

* * *

"Oh what the hell…" Casey grumbles as he looks at Severide in concern as they hear heavy footsteps racing toward them. "What if…"

"Anyone in here with you two?" A loud voice demands.

"No. Just us and that's the only door in," Severide answers the police officer in haste as he glances over at Casey who nods in agreement. Both of them watch the officer leave before trading worried glances before Severide tries to get up off the bed to lock the door just in case.

"Kelly careful of the…" is all Casey gets out before Severide's main tubing detaches and a small bell starts to sound.

"Ah damn," Severide gently curses as Maria rushes into their room with a concerned expression. "It's nothing," he tries to assure her as she looks at his apparatus to survey the damage. Nothing. The tubing is quickly reattached and then she leaves, hurrying to get other areas locked down and allowing Severide to lock the door; Casey offering a small sigh of relief.

"We're safe," Severide mentions as he slowly wanders over to the window and looks down. "Lots of cops down there."

"Hope he doesn't get a patient," Casey mentions as he tries to gently stretch. He looks down at his catheter back and then up at Severide in exasperation. "Seems to work best when I move. Yes I know…that's kind of a duh statement," Casey grumbles as Severide lightly chuckles and helps him sit up on the edge of the bed.

"Dizzy?"

"A bit, but I think it's from stress."

"Stress," Severide states more than questions. "From?" He prods.

"Just…"

"Matt. Come on you can tell me. I know it's because of the kidney."

"I just want it to work normally and so far…so far it seems that way but will I always be thinking about it?"

"Doubt it. Think Nick Smith thinks about his new liver? He knows it's there but…I don't know man I hope not but…maybe?"

"Maybe," Casey nods as he looks up with a weak smile. "So when I feel like walking, I can't because of some active shooter outside and we're locked in this room," he states with a frown.

"Well you could always tempt fate and piss off the medical staff and go outside this room."

"And whose wrath would that get me?" Casey retorts dryly.

"Want to watc…."

*bang*

*bang*

"Oh damn…" Casey utters with a small quiver as he looks at the door and then up at Severide in a panic.

"I just hope no one was hurt," Severide whispers as he dares to venture toward the door.

"Kelly!" Casey hisses as Severide turns back with a warning glare. "Do not open that door."

"I'll be okay and if someone is hurt…" his voice trails off as he listens to the silence a bit before daring to turn the lock. But as soon as he does he hears Casey's heart monitors starting to race a bit higher and he turns back in defeat. "That isn't lost puppy face fair."

"I don't have…"

"Oh you so do."

"I can't help it then!" Casey lightly growls as they hear footsteps and shouting in the distance, Severide quickly relocking the door; Casey's monitor still slightly excited. "Besides we're in a hospital…they have staff to…"

*bang*

The shot this time sounded further in the distance and Severide takes a deep breath and chances to open the door and pop his head outside, peering around the corner and spying a few nurses and two police gathered in the distance and crouched over a body on the floor.

"Oh damn," Severide gently curses as Casey tries to get himself detangled and out of bed. "Stay there," Severide gently scolds as Casey shakes his head.

"If you're up, I'm up."

"Damn monkey see monkey do," Severide grumbles as Casey smiles and nods. Severide steps back to allow Casey to look around the door also, both watching as the two police stand up, revealing a body with blood on it and the nurses quickly trying to stem the loss.

"I hope that wasn't just a bystander," Casey mutters.

"Sadly it usually is," Severide huffs as the police officer turns and looks directly at them.

"The lockdown isn't over. If you can lock the door, do it!"

Severide nods and then looks at Casey with a frown. "Oh he would have told you the same thing."

"What about my lost puppy face?"

"Cops are immune."

"I wouldn't have opened the door," Casey argues back.

"You didn't stay put did you?" Severide lightly tosses back as Casey's lips purse. "For that…we're watching the scary movie."

"In the midst of a lockdown?"

"Well what else can we do? Sit here and count the holes on the ceiling tiles…."

"Kelly?" Casey asks in haste. "What is it?"

"Just a sma…." Severide's words are cut off by a sharp intake of air. "Cramp. I'm okay."

"You get after me for overdoing it," Casey gently scolds.

"You just had…major surgery."

"So did you," Casey grumbles as he tries to help Severide to his bed. But just as soon as they get there, Casey feels Severide starting to slip from his grasp, drops the catheter bag and tries to hold on with both hands. But it's to no avail as a few moments later, his waning strength gives way and both land on the cold floor with a painful thud; a jumble of arms and legs and tubing.

"Did the bag…break?" Severide asks with a small gasp as Casey looks at it and shakes his head.

"No. But sitting bare assed on this cold floor sucks," he grumbles as Severide starts to laugh.

"Damn…hurts when…I laugh," he huffs as Casey's face also offers a small chuckle.

"Not…funny."

"Then stop making me laugh."

"Can't help it."

"Are you okay?"

"Yes," Severide grumbles as he looks at his own catheter bag; grateful it too hadn't burst, neither of them wanting to be stuck in the room with fresh urine as their air freshener. "My ass isn't," he gently snickers as both remain on the floor a few moments longer.

"Told you."

"Help I've fallen and I can't get up?" Casey laughs as he slumps down on the floor, resting his head on the cooler surface before he looks up with a smirk.

"Should we play charades?" Severide chuckles. "You're a mop?"

"We say Swiffer now."

"Oh well excuse me," Severide tosses back as both linger on the floor until they hear loud voices outside. "Well…"

"Yeah we should get up before we're seen like this."

But it could only be fate that would intervene when both are down – the door unlocking a few seconds later and Dr. Tennyson, Maria with Shay right behind them staring into the room and looking at the two recovering men on the floor.

"You mean I missed the wrestling match again?" Shay groans as Dr. Tennyson looks at her in shock and she shrugs. "What? It's long overdue."

"I take it the lockdown's over?" Severide asks as the three head toward them; the overhead paging system going off a few seconds later and announcing the end of the lockdown.

"What happened?"

"Distraught patient tangled with an officer, got his gun and went a bit haywire," Dr. Tennyson replies as he helps Severide get upright; Shay and Maria helping Casey.

"Wait a sec…and matching haircuts? Okay so I missed the wrestling match and the makeovers?" Shay grumbles as she notices their shorter haircuts. "That's it, I'm sleeping here tonight."

"Well that will have to wait Ms…"

"Sure…I'll get some coffee and be right back."

Dr. Tennyson can only offer her an amused smile before he turns back to Severide with a look of concern. "What happened?"

"Small cramp doc…I'm okay," Severide offers weakly as Casey looks on in concern.

"Let me be the judge of that."

By the time Shay gets back, Dr. Tennyson has looked them both over, told them the small cramps were normal and walking would help with that and that despite the small tumble their recovery progress was still on track.

"You two have been busy," Shay comments as she helps Casey with his robe and then waits for him to get his slippers on; Severide already ready to go.

"We were bored," Severide shoots back.

"The loft is empty with you two here."

"Two?" Casey arches his brows as he looks at Shay and offers a small head shake.

"You know we can bring the restraints along," she teases with a firm nod.

"Why do I believe that?" Casey gently grumbles as the three of them slowly head toward the room entrance. "Guys thanks but…"

"Matt it's a moot discussion," Severide jumps in. "For the few weeks after we're out of here you are staying with us."

"And then you'll be back to work and I'll be hearing daily stories about…no way Kelly. I'm not going to stay there and then listen to you coming back telling me what I can't do for...no…I'll be okay," Casey tries to assure them as they enter the hallway.

"You'll be back too," Shay reminds him.

"Amended duties."

"Better than doing nothing," Severide adds as Casey looks at them weakly. "That's right you can't win. So accept it already. You're going to live with us until you're back to normal."

"Normal? Kelly, he can't stay forever," Shay deadpans as Casey and Severide can't help but chuckle. But the lame comment was what was needed to lighten the mood; and soon the conversation switches back to the shooting. They finally reach the end of the hallway, the entrance to the small garden solarium and look outside the slightly overcast weather.

"I feel like I'm walking with two 90 year olds," Shay teases.

"Want this?" Severide holds up the catheter bag, Casey doing the same, to which she shakes her head.

"No thanks. I'll have my own private pee party at home."

"Oh gee what fun."

Casey listens to their silly banter and feels his face smile in spite of his throbbing back. Dr. Tennyson had told him it would be normal to feel that way after some prolonged exercise but his body would learn to compensate and to keep going if possible; only stopping when the pain made it tough for him to breath at a normal, steady pace.

"But I am booking the first appointment."

"First? You mean there's more than one?"

"Don't go along with this Kelly," Casey groans as Shay grins.

"Why not? Matching haircuts, matching kidneys…matching tattoos," she shrugs.

"Saying what?" Casey dares to ask.

"Matt," Severide playfully scolds.

"I love mom."

"She did not just say that," Casey shakes his head as Severide chuckles.

"No no I got it…each of you has a half and when put together…make a whole."

"I'm getting tired," Severide ignores Shay and looks at Casey. "Time to head back?"

"Yup. Some lame scary movie waiting for us."

"I know you'll both think about it when I'm gone," Shay grins as they all slowly stand up.

"Yeah I really want to go and get the _I love mom_ one," Casey deadpans as Severide outright chuckles and Shay purses her lips.

"And I'll follow up with _world greatest dad_," Severide snickers as they slowly head back to their room. The three of them talk a bit longer before it's time for them to rest and Shay to leave. Both Casey and Severide get a few hours of solid rest in before the rest of the teams slowly start to trickle in.

Dawson was the first to arrive; Severide noticing a bit of tension with her and Casey but not calling him on it as he figured Matt was a grown man and if he wanted to discuss it he would, otherwise, leave it alone for now. Mills and Boden arrived next, followed by Capp and then Hermann and finally Cruz and Otis. Finally it was time for them to get some sleep. And after the very exhausting day, sleeping through the entire night wasn't that hard at all. Both finally get more than just a few hours of restful sleep.

XXXXXXXX

Casey awakens early the next morning and looks at the window, the sky was overcast and a dismal feeling starts to cover him. He had overheard Dr. Tennyson's discussion with Severide about how he'd be trying him out on some solid food today to see how his system started to function and if that went well, the catheter would be coming off and he'd be one step closer to going home; Casey having to remain at least a day or two behind – alone. His sad eyes remain fixed outside and the longer his gaze lingers on the moody outlook, the faster his confidence starts to sink. But as soon as he hears Severide starting to stir, he looks away and forces his lips to display a tight smile.

"I need a shower," Casey mentions in haste.

"Yeah…you stink," Severide lightly tosses back as Casey returns a small snicker. "Where is the nearest shower?"

"Not sure. I think the unit should have one…right?" Severide asks Casey shrugs.

"Do we have to ask Dr. Tennyson before remove the catheter?"

"I'm sure you're not the first patient to have peed in the shower," Severide teases.

"That isn't comforting at all," Casey sighs as he considers getting up to find Dr. Tennyson. "I think I keep it in right?"

"Kids pee in pools."

Casey picks up his small pillow and tosses it at Severide's head just as Dr. Tennyson enters; Severide laughing as he tosses it back.

"Early morning pillow fight," Dr. Tennyson states with an easy smile.

"Yeah don't tell Shay," Severide retorts.

"At least I see you two are getting some energy back."

"Finally slept through the night," Casey confesses as he puts the small pillow back where it belongs. "Can I have a shower?"

"By all means."

"And um…I keep the bag…the catheter in right?" Casey asks weakly as Dr. Tennyson glances over at Severide who tries to offer an innocent look.

"Let me guess, your roommate said it was okay to pee in the shower?" Dr. Tennyson drawls in sarcasm as Severide can't contain his chuckle. "Are you sure you two aren't related?"

"Hey I'm allowed to pick on him once and a while," Severide counters with a mock pout as Dr. Tennyson merely arches his salt and pepper brows and looks back down at Casey.

"You just need to be careful with it but yes it stays in; it's for your protection and of course other patients," Dr. Tennyson explains. He looks over Casey's surgical wounds before changing the bag and telling Casey his progress was excellent and to keep doing what he was doing, regular but small amounts of exercise and plenty of rest. He checks Severide next and then tells them he'll be back later with some regular food for Severide and a new information packet for Casey.

The two of them gather up their things and then head for the patient bathroom. Casey was finally feeling well enough to shower and then put on some clean pajamas, Severide doing the same.

"Want me to wait out here?" Severide asks in a low tone as Casey looks into the small empty shower stall. "I don't mind coming if you want some help."

"Help?" Casey gently hisses.

"Hey man I meant no offense and will leave my camera outside," he gently teases as Casey's scowl softens. "Leave the door unlocked and if you get light headed or anything call out okay? If you fall and injure yourself it'll set you back and you know you'll be…"

"Pissed at myself," Casey grumbles as Severide nods. "Okay."

Casey enters the somewhat cold shower stall and closes the door, not locking it just in case. He reminds himself not to have the water too hot as even Dr. Tennyson said he'd have to be careful around the surgical stitches and not to damage them with a wash cloth. He spies the hooks on the walls to hang the catheter bag handle and then stands fixed in place for a few moments. But he doesn't allow himself to dwell too much on melancholy thoughts as he turns on the water to warm up the place and then slowly removes his slippers, robe, hospital gown and then heads toward the actual shower areal; hanging up the bag and then preparing to wash. The water at first feels odd as he's very mindful of the surgical spots and the reminder not to damage anything. _I'll get Shay to wash my hair later or something._

Severide stands outside the door, smiling at one of the cute nurses and hoping that nothing happens to Casey in the steamy room. Without much food in his system it would be easy to push it and then feel dizzy and collapse. He thinks about what Dr. Tennyson told him about getting solid food and knows it'll be hell for Casey to watch and not be able to have anything for at least another whole day. _Maybe I can get Boden in here or Shay or someone to distract Matt while I eat? Damn if he looks at me with that sad face the whole time I'll be doomed, _he lightly snickers.

He hears the water finally turn off and then waits…Casey reappearing about twenty minutes later wearing his clean pajamas and sporting a very satisfied smile. "You survived. Any pee stains?" He snickers, earning himself a small shoulder slap in return.

"I don't mind waiting," Casey mentions as Severide gives him a nod and then disappears inside the steamy room.

"Old spice?" Severide calls out as Casey firmly shuts the door; his friends laughter ringing in his ears. Casey leans against the call and closes his eyes for a few seconds, his heart rate slightly elevated from the activity and his brain eager to get it back down to a respectable pace. But just as he does something else happens that forces his heart to race.

"Dr. Thomas?"

_Hallie? _Casey's eyes snap open; his mind showing him his first trip to the ER and meeting the woman who would forever hold a special place in his heart.

_'Hallie Thomas.'_

_'Matt Casey. Do you like hockey?'_

Casey blinks a few times and the image of his past love fades, replaced with that of another dark haired doctor; one not really resembling his deceased fiancée. _African-American…not Hallie….damn I miss her. _Before his mind can continue to mire in misery, he hears Severide starting to sing in the shower and can't help but chuckle.

"Did I miss any action?" Severide asks as he reemerges about twenty minutes later; also freshly dressed in pajamas and his robe and slippers.

"An old guy tried to run away…naked. Buck naked."

"Yeah? How far'd he get?" Severide grins as they slowly head back to their room.

"Not far," Casey admits with his own smile.

They reach their room, drop their duffle bags and decide to go for a small walk, wanting to take advantage of their reserve of energy before it was spent on lame jokes and light banter. The two of them talk a bit more about the teams and their surroundings, Casey not wanting to bring up the food issue as he knows in a few hours, the clock will strike noon and he'll be forced to witness it for himself. With the drizzly weather, going onto the terrace wasn't feasible, so they both ease down into the two nearest easy chairs and just talk.

Upon their return Casey can't help but notice Severide looking at the clock and then becoming increasingly restless.

"Lunch will get here on time Kelly," Casey reminds him gently.

"Boden said he'd drop by to…"

"At this time? What's going on?"

"Damn, I hate that I can't get anything past you. I just didn't want to eat in front of you," Severide confesses in truth. "Have you sitting there…watching me with that sad pathetic face and making me feel all sorry for you."

"I'll watch a movie or something…anything where people don't end up looking like ground beef?"

"Okay when you put it that way, even I get grossed out," Severide huffs. "Matt…"

"Kelly, Dr. Tennyson told me right from the start that you'd be eating before me. I get it. It's…it'll be strange but…"

"Am I late?" A friendly voice is heard, making both look up in haste. "I heard an intervention was in order," Hermann grins as Severide rolls his eyes. "No?"

"You're right on time," Severide turns back to Casey with a smile. "I know you know, but it won't be as hard to if you have to watch on your own. Besides…you can offer me the sad face at supper."

"The sad face, you sure? No one's immune to that one," Hermann joins in as Casey purses his lips. "He's right Lieutenant. None of us are immune yet."

"I don't have a sad face," Casey insists as Severide and Hermann laugh.

"Come on…show me around the place," Hermann insists as he gently guides Casey out of the room; Dr. Tennyson's nurse arriving about five minutes later with Severide's modified lunch. Despite telling himself he'd be okay with watching Severide eat, Casey was more than thankful for the distraction. He and Hermann only walked a few meters down the hall to a nearby bench and sat down to talk about what he was missing and then hear a few Hermann family mishaps. About half hour later, they return to the room, Severide all finished and the three of them talk a bit more before Hermann has to take his leave.

"Tired?"

"I am," Casey admits with a small smile. "How was lunch?"

"Boring," Severide smirks as he too climbs into his own bed. "How's Hermann?"

"Anything but boring."

The two of them rest up for a few more hours before both getting up; Boden arriving about half hour later to play another game of poker. As he had done the day before, Boden doesn't discuss the progression, that had been done during the day. His time there was to bond with his boys and to show them that they weren't alone in all this. Their extended family was there every step of the way.

"Okay watch TV or something," Severide tells Casey about an hour later, Boden having taken his leave and Severide now being offered his dinner. It was light; much like lunch it consisted of soup, fruit, yogurt and a piece of cheese.

"I'll read," Casey mentions as he reaches for a magazine Shay left. "How to tell if he's the one."

"What?"

"Cosmo."

"Ah she only bought that because it shows Megan Fox in her underwear."

"Really?" Casey retorts in haste as they both laugh. Casey flips through the magazine to find the picture; the visual distraction helping before he peers over the edge to see Severide eating his fruit and frowns. Severide looks up, Casey looking down in haste and both offering small snickers at their lame antics.

"I'm okay with it…really," Casey confesses as he puts the magazine down.

"Bored with the girlie talk?"

"Actually…yeah that stuff is lame," Casey sighs as he looks up at his own tubing and then back down at Severide with a small frown. "What am I going to do when it's just me here?"

"Make the sad face for your new roomie?" Severide tosses back, Casey trying to offer a brave smile. But Severide sees through the false expression and frowns.

"Dr. Tennyson told me I'd have to stay a bit longer. It's okay."

"And then you'll come stay with us."

"Kelly…"

"Do you really want to face the first month of a major recovery alone?" Severide asks pointedly. Casey looks at him before he finally has to shake his head no. "Shay can mother both of us."

"Maybe we should go to a hotel," Casey lightly groans as Severide nods in agreement. "Or a hostel?"

"Speaking of…I happen to have one of them…"

"No way. Those are…got something lighter?"

"Bambi?" Severide grins as Casey gives him a small eye roll. "Despicable me?"

"You have that one?"

"I do. Don't tell anyone."

"That I'll watch. Better than watching guys getting mulched to death."

"That was only the third and…oh yeah he was blond wasn't he?"

"Where's the cartoon?"

"Okay already," Severide retorts in haste as he sets up the small DVD player on the table, the two of them settling into the easy chairs at the far end of the room to watch; the mood for the evening light and enjoyable. Casey had gotten past another major hurdle without too much mental stress.

Severide hears him laugh at something on the silly animated movie and feels his anxiety lessen somewhat. But inside he knows Casey stills has a few major milestones to get past – the first would be being here on his own and the other would be when Boden tells him that he's found a temporary replacement for the duration of his leave. With him going back to work and Casey sidelined watching everyone else, including an outsider getting to do the job he so loves, would be torment for sure. _He'll be okay, _Severide tries to convince himself. _He will…right?_

* * *

**A/N:** okay so I didn't want them to face any more physical damage in the hospital from the gunman but got a few little mishaps in there and hopefully some nice broments and some funny banter. Of course the tension for Casey is still very high as he'll have the most adjustments to make. Who will temporarily replace him and how will that sit with Casey when he's back to work on modified duties watching from the sidelines? But first…how will he be okay when Severide's gone? (wink) please do review with your thoughts before you go and thanks so much!

**PS:** I hope you're all up to date with the angsty danger and tension in Growing Pains and thanks!


	5. The Start of Tomorrow?

**Title: Never Give Up  
****Chapter 5 – The Start of Tomorrow?**

* * *

Casey's weary eyes open the next morning, his mind once again having to contend with tormented nightmares of his accident and then seeing himself getting the pink slip from Boden and a slap on the back as he's told he's no longer useful and to go find a menial job someplace else.

He casts a tired glance toward Severide's bed, his best friend still asleep in the early morning hours. Today Severide would be getting his catheter out, eating three solid meals and then getting his walking papers; he'd be left behind to contend with the fact that he had to suffer in silence an entire day – or worse with an unfriendly stranger until he too was ready to reenter the real world.

Casey leans back in his bed, his arms folding under his head until his hands stop and feel…_the scar_…his mind correctly identifies the ridge of chewed up skin that his short hair was doing its best to cover. He knows in about a month's time, it'll for the most part be covered with just a small tail at the bottom possibly showing, at least for those looking. Kelly would always know where his scars would be. That thought was at the same time comforting and disconcerting. He reaches over to get something, his fingers straining to reach but unable and his lips following up with an angry curse a few seconds later.

"Wow what'd it do for you to get that angry this early?" Severide's sleepy voice is heard as Casey's wondering glance looks over with a small frown. "Good morning."

"Seemed closer," Casey huffs as he slumps back down, eyeing the small electronic device before looking back at his friend. "So you get your walking papers today," Casey tries to mention with a tight smile as Severide purses his lips and shakes his head. "What? I have to prep myself for it."

"I'm not going to say you'll be fine, because you'll just lie and agree with me."

"Lie? I will be fine," Casey stubbornly argues back. "I'll just…lie here and…"

"Wallow?" Severide snickers as Casey narrows his eyes. "It's just for one day right?"

"Maybe two…I don't know. I just…I want to be out of here already," Casey sighs as he tries to slowly sit up. But as he does he gently frowns as he notices his vision a bit blurry and his jaw sets. The small facial expression isn't lost on Severide who quickly calls him on it.

"What is it?"

"A bit of a headache," Casey gently lies. "Maybe got up too fast. Or just…" he gently gasps as he swings his legs over the bed and tries to stand up. He feels himself getting light headed and slumps back down to a seated position. _ I can't let the doctor see this…he'll keep me here longer!_

"Matt…"

"Kelly I'm fine. Just moved too fast and I don't have much food in me. Never thought I'd actually come to crave a Big Mac," he gently snickers as Severide's strained chuckle follows. As Severide studies the near panicked expression on Casey's face that tries to hide behind a veil of a fake smile, he knows something's not quite right with his friend. _What are you hiding Matt…what's really going on?_

"Well tell you what, on the day of your release from here we'll go find the first Golden Arches and down all the junk food we can handle."

"Think I'll survive?"

"Depends on how much you think you can handle," Dr. Tennyson's voice forces both men to look up in haste. "Good morning.

"Just tell me I won't be confined to Boost drinks or something the rest of my life," Casey gently grumbles as Dr. Tennyson nears him with a smile.

"I give you my word. Now…let's see how you're doing." Dr. Tennyson draws the curtain to give Casey some added privacy; Casey's mind this time not as troubled or needing Severide's comforting presence as he did when there was more than one set of strange hands tending to him.

Severide tries to busy himself with…well anything, but can't help but overhear what Dr. Tennyson tells Casey about his progress. "Slow and steady." To which Casey merely replies with an inaudible grumble. Would resentment now start to build? And what about when Casey comes to stay with them and he's back to work, coming home and talking about the day? Or when Casey returns to work on amended duties and there's someone else filling in for him? Was this now paving the way for an emotional time bomb to slowly tick away? Only to be set off by something seemingly random but totally preventable?

Severide hears Casey ask about aftereffects and being told that open honesty would be the best thing for him. _Yeah but Casey's not that guy…he usually pushes everything under the carpet and lies that he's fine! _He hears Casey's somewhat sarcastic comment about being an open book and feels his teeth grit. _If his lies…it'll only hurt himself and those who care about him. Damn it Matt!_

But the conversation turns to a soft whisper when Casey asks how much longer he'd be stuck in the hospital. Finally Dr. Tennyson reemerges, pushing back the curtain. Severide catches Casey's somewhat sullen glance for a few seconds before it's replaced with a fake, tight lipped smile.

"And now…let's see how you're doing Kelly."

Casey watches Severide's curtain being closed and looks down at his catheter bag. _It's not fair…it is! Be happy you're alive! I am…I'm just a bit…miserable. _His mind inwardly argues back as he tries to dwell on the small bits of good news from Dr. Tennyson. _Kidney seems to be functioning normally. No internal issues. Head wound seems to be healing just as well…you're on track young man. _

Telling himself to just prepare for the day ahead, Casey summons his strength and manages to get himself upright and then wait. The faint bout of dizziness lasts only a few seconds, giving him a bit of reinforcement that he was on track and the progress was steady. _Too slow though. You nearly died! I just want to go home!_

He watches Maria enter their room and gives her a friendly smile and makes small talk as they wait for Dr. Tennyson to reemerge from talking with Severide. Upon doing so, about five minutes later, Dr. Tennyson hands Severide's catheter bag to Maria to properly dispose of, takes another blood sample and says he'll be back later.

"Freedom," Casey whispers as Severide nears him.

"Come on. Let's go for a walk," he states as his hand rests on Casey's shoulder. "How long did he say you'd be here?"

"Forever," Casey tosses back in sarcasm as Severide smiles. "At least another day or two," Casey answers with a small huff as he wraps his robe around his slightly trembling frame; both of them heading toward the hallway to get some early morning exercise in. This time they make it all the way to the outdoor atrium and outside; enjoying some early morning fresh air.

"Got a text from Christie last night," Casey informs Severide as they linger for a few moments longer in a sunny spot. "She's ready to help out with meals and such. I'll have to have a restricted diet now?"

"I don't know," Severide shrugs. "Doubt it. What did the brochure Dr. Tennyson give you say?"

Casey's lips purse as Severide offers him an amused expression. "Don't say it."

"How about when we get back you can read it to me and… what?" Severide chuckles as Casey's head gently shakes. "You're just gonna read it and then sulk."

Casey's lips this time offer a small curse but his lips can't help but reveal a small smile as he bows his head in playful defeat. "At least you're free of this…" Casey holds up his catheter bag and groans. Severide's arm gently rests across his shoulders as the two of them head back talking about…pee.

As much as he didn't really want to read his restrictions out loud, it actually helped to discuss certain things with Severide and made the coming task of taking daily medication, not that daunting. Once he was back to his full, regular routine and took his medication in the morning, one light beer at dinner might be okay…if spaced out and not done too regularly.

"Which means you'll have to find another means of drowning your sorrows."

"Root beer?" Casey snickers as he watches Severide's breakfast tray appear. "I won't stare."

Casey tries to busy himself with the rest of his reading, his mind most interested in reading all the success stories that were included and taking some comfort in reading that there were others like him, scared at first and not ready to deal with such a life altering change but then six months to a year later were back to normal and sometimes didn't even think about the fact that they had a part or someone else inside them. Casey glances up as Severide eats his food and offers a contented sigh…_he saved my life_. He glances back down and sees some pictures of real life scars that some grateful recipients had sent in and can't help but smile.

After breakfast, Severide asks a few more questions about Casey's paperwork, Casey more at ease in talking about it, but inside still feeling his inner agitation simmering. That would take time to completely subside. They go for a walk, this time making it to the small resting area past the garden atrium and then back; both of them having a nap, Casey's lasting longer as his body hadn't gotten too sleep much during the night.

Severide uses Casey's prolonged nap to follow Dr. Tennyson's instructions and try to walk at least one flight of stairs. By the time he reaches the bottom his chest is gently heaving and his face flushed. He thinks about Casey facing possibly the next two days alone in here and tells himself, since he's on medical leave for at least 8-12 weeks, he'll come by and at least spend the days with his friend so that Casey didn't feel like he was being abandoned. He knows Casey puts on a good face, one he's mastered well over the years, but inside…deep inside he doesn't want to face something like this alone. _He's not alone!_

"Lieutenant Severide?"

Severide hears the young voice as he waits for the elevator, and turns to see Nathan walking up to him with a wide grin.

"Hey Nathan, what are you doing here?" He asks as he gives the young boy a warm embrace.

"My mom's here with my grandpa. He's on dialysis and comes here for some treatment. Are you on this floor?"

"No one up. Doc said I needed to take a walk."

"The elevator? Isn't that cheating?" Nathan tosses back as Severide grins and nods. "Is Lieutenant Casey still here?"

"Yeah you wanna come up and see him? Might brighten his day."

"Yeah," Nathan agrees readily. "Just let me tell my mom. She'll be here for at least two hours."

Severide watches his young friend turn and hurry down the hallway and then disappear into a nearby room, reemerging a few minutes later bobbing his head in confirmation. Nathan tells Severide he has a day off from school and opted to help his mom instead of just staying home; his father not living with them.

Severide pops his head into their room, offering a smile when Casey looks up in wonder. "You descent?"

"You mean he's naked?" Nathan blurts out from behind the wall as Severide laughs and Casey's face flushes from embarrassment.

"No I'm not!" Casey calls out as Nathan's face appears around the corner with a wide grin. "Hey Nathan."

"Hey!" Nathan waves as he walks into the room at Severide's side. "Is it okay if hang with you guys for a bit? My mom just reads medical stuff down there and it gets kinda boring. Besides I think the Wi-Fi is better up here."

Casey can't help but smile at the young man's enthusiasm, settling his mind and instantly chasing away lingering melancholy from the standard nightmare he had during his so-called rest.

"You guys got any cards?"

"Sure we do," Severide replies in haste as he, with Nathan's help arranges the table, Casey getting the cards and then gently eases himself down into the chair at the small table. For the next two hours, Nathan happily entertains them both until his mother comes looking for him to leave. His mother spends about twenty minutes just talking with them, asking a few questions before they both leave and the room goes quiet for a few minutes.

After their rest with Nathan, both go for another walk, Casey not doing the stairs, and then come back; Casey happily resigning to sleep while Severide has his modest lunch. The routine continues until dinner, when Dr. Tennyson comes back; Casey's tension instantly rising.

"How has today been?"

"Fine," both reply at once with different tones as Dr. Tennyson looks at them both in amusement. "Matt I know you know this and probably don't want to hear it right now, but Kelly is getting discharged tomorrow and I have to keep you at least one more day for observation. But the good news is that the catheter is coming out tomorrow and your system seems to be working normally so we'll try you on solid food and monitor that and then if that goes well, Kelly can take you home the following day."

"Sounds great doc, thanks," Casey replies weakly. Severide hears the strain in Casey's voice and knows that it's killing him inside to be left behind. But this was not a personal request, this was a medical directive and one that Casey had to follow. He watches Dr. Tennyson give Severide a small packet and then takes his leave, telling them he'll be back in the morning to see Kelly off and introduce Matt to his new temporary room mate.

"Hope he doesn't snore," Casey sighs as Severide offers him a small smile. "So….the last supper."

"Oh you're just on your game tonight," Severide quips as Casey finally offers a small chuckle and looks up at his fluid bags.

"Mmm wonder what I'm having for supper tonight."

"Just for that we're watching the scary movie."

"Fine," Casey puts on a mock pout as Severide chuckles one more; the mood, once tense but starting to lift a little. In the end, Severide would opt for a lighter movie to keep the peace and send Casey to bed without added nightmares or tension; given the fact that the following day, he'd be leaving Casey to remain in the doctor's care without him for a bit longer.

And as the lights dim that night, Casey tries to command himself not to think about the coming day and what new stresses being with a stranger might bring – the command would fail. A restless night was a given.

XXXXXXXX

"Ready?" Severide asks the next morning as he waits for Casey to get his small duffle bag and then head toward the showers; Severide able to go home and have one but not wanting to leave Casey to merely fend for himself when alone. The two of them make small talk about who was covering their shifts temporarily and what food Shay would be making for Kelly's first real meal in nearly a week.

Casey turns on the hot water to warm the shower area, and looks at his scar in the mirror. He frowns at the black webbing as his fingers gently reach out and touch. At first he hesitates, wondering if he'd somehow damage the precious organ underneath but remembering that Dr. Tennyson told him he could gently feel and it would be okay. His fingers then slowly slide to the other side of his back where it was – empty. _Nothing. There used to be a functioning kidney there and now…an empty hole._

That morbid thought forces a melancholy veil to drop over him like a heavy blanket; his mind rapidly racing to fill the void with something more upbeat…encouraging. He finally hears Kelly outside talking to one of the nurses and can't help but smile at his lame pick up line; something the nurse laughs at also. The friendly laughter outside, settles his mind and allows him to finish his simple task of showering and then changing into a pair of clean sweat pants and sweat shirt and then remerging into the hallway.

"I'll bring some clean clothes tomorrow."

"Seems like it's been with me forever, I'm about to give this damn a name," Casey grumbles as they near their room.

Severide can't help but laugh at Casey's deadpan expression about the pee bag; the rest of the banter to follow being just as silly but at least forcing some of the tension to dissipate. That is until Dr. Tennyson arrives to give Severide his walking papers.

"I will be fine," Casey tries to assure Severide with firm pat on his back. "Just…fine."

"You know you're doing it again right?"

"Kelly," Casey groans.

"Well if you offer that lost puppy face to your next room mate you'll both be in trouble."

"Maybe it'll be a cute girl," Casey replies hopefully as they both look up to see a bed approaching with a large tattooed patient.

"Yeah she's very cute," Severide heartily chuckles.

"Naturally," Casey adds in sarcasm as Severide offers him an amused expression. But the other patient passes them by, leaving Casey to wonder who his real room mate would be.

"Come on. Try walking down the stairs with me still here," Severide entreats as they wait for Shay to arrive. Casey gives him a nod and they both slowly head for the end of the hall and the set of exit stairs. They talk about what the next few weeks ahead would be like, realizing that it would be boring and mundane to say the least; each of them told specifically that they had to include three important activities every day – regular exercise, restful sleep and nutritional meals. No alcohol, avoidance of heavy lifting and major traumatic stress as well as, especially for Casey, taking the necessary medication without fail. After that it was something they'd just naturally fall into without much thinking about why they were doing it.

They reach the bottom of the stairs and pause Casey feels a slight burning in his chest and dull ache in his back.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," Casey nods slowly. "Dr. Tennyson said I would feel like this after walking the stairs for the first time. I'll be okay," Casey tries to convince both of them. "Just have to work past my frustration."

"As long you don't keep it all bottled up you'll be fine."

"Once I'm out of here I'll be fine," Casey gently grumbles as they reenter the populated hallway, Severide offering his friend and uneasy smirk. The two of them finish the rest of their walk toward the elevator in silence and then get off on their floor and head back to their room.

Just as they near, they hear an angry curse and something clatter and both look into the room to see Casey's new room mate being set-up for the night. Severide notices Casey's jaw tense but knows there's nothing he can do about it; Dr. Tennyson needed to keep Casey over at least one more night as per standard procedure.

"Only one more night," Severide mentions in a soft whisper as Maria looks up and greets them both with a tense smile.

"Who are you two?" The male patient asks gruffly.

"Well I'm Matt…I'm in this bed and this is my friend Kelly."

"Yeah hi," he nods before he reaches for a magazine and buries his face, leaving Casey and Severide to trade less than amused expressions.

"Want to walk some more?" Casey asks in haste as he notices Severide looking at his watch.

"You need to rest," Severide reminds him as Casey's lips purse and his brow furrows.

"I don't mind."

"Shay's not here yet so just rest and I'll…read. Anything good around?"

"Cosmo?" Casey offers weakly as he slowly climbs into his bed and slumps down with a heavy sigh. He watches Maria leave and then looks at the strange man on the other side of the room. Without waiting for a verbal prompt, Severide gets up and draws closed the curtain around them, signaling to Casey it really is time for rest. "Point taken," Casey states firmly as he affixes the catheter bag on its hook and rolls onto his side, wanting to alleviate some of the pressure off his gently throbbing back.

About an hour later, Severide hears soft footsteps and looks up to see Shay approaching. He glances at Casey's peacefully sleeping expression and frowns; almost hating to leave him here alone, looking so vulnerable and almost defenseless.

Shay motions with her head for Severide to join her in the hallway; Severide carefully getting up and following her, wanting to let Casey sleep as much as possible.

"Will you be able to leave him alone in that room overnight with Mr. Personality?" Shay asks in mild sarcasm. "What is wrong with him? I just walked into the room and he gave me a death stare."

"No idea but he wasn't exactly friendly to us. Poor Matt."

"How is he?"

"Restless and I can't blame him. I think when he's away from here he'll be fine. At least at our place we can take trips to his and do a workout together and he can sleep where there's no doctor around. I know he's going to hate tonight. I should stay."

"Matt will be fine," Shay tries to insist; not knowing the truthfulness of her words or what impact his new room mate would actually have on Casey – again for the better. "We'll come here first thing in the morning. You said tomorrow he can eat real food?"

"Real hospital food."

"That's not real food," Shay argues back as Severide grins. They both hear Casey starting to stir and head back into the room and inside his curtained off area. "Kelly assured me I didn't miss any special bonding moments," Shay grins as Severide rolls his eyes.

"He's…right," Casey smiles as he slowly sits up in bed. "Are you here to help me escape?" He asks weakly.

"Got my skateboard right over there."

"Oh good."

The friendly banter continues for sometime until Shay reminds Severide that she took an evening shift and they need to get going.

"Shay's going to drop me here in the morning so at least you won't have to just contend with Mr. Happy all day long by yourself," Severide whispers as Casey looks up, pasting on as best a smile as he can manage. "Not fair."

"What?"

"The lost puppy face."

"I don't."

"Oh you so do. Yup….lost puppy face," Shay agrees as Casey mutters something under his breath.

"I will be fine," Casey tries to assure them. Shay gives him a warm hug and then pulls back with a smile, promising to come by tomorrow after shift and pick up Severide and take them both home if allowed.

"Hey man see you tomorrow," Severide leans in and gives Casey a small hug as well before he pulls back, frowning at Casey's façade of being okay with being left alone in the strange room with a new stranger to contend with.

Casey watches them leave and then slumps down into his bed, feeling the odd silence starting to quickly suffocate him. He tells himself its only temporary and his friend would be back in the morning and he'd be okay. _Kelly needs his rest and this way he can bring me some fresh stuff from home. _

About an hour later, Casey finally decides to get up and go for another small walk, looking outside into the descending darkness and feeling his mood slipping just as rapidly. He slowly walks to the end of the hallway, peering through the glass outside into the darkness for a few seconds before he pulls the door open and takes a breath of fresh air.

"Did you want some help outside?" A kind female voice offers. Casey slightly turns and looks at the woman he had seen a few days earlier; the first day he was allowed to have a shower.

"Uh no thanks…I just wanted some fresh air. Sorry."

"That's okay. I just wanted to make sure if did and wanted some help, I could get it for you."

"Thank you Dr. Thomas but I'm fine."

"Have we met before Mr…"

"Casey," he answers the kind African-American woman. "No. Your name it um…no," he answers in haste. "Just that there was another Dr. Thomas here before and…"

"Hallie. Yes, I remember her."

"Y-you do?" Casey asks in surprise.

"Oh yes, I remember Hallie. It was Hallie right?"

"Right," Casey whispers with a pained tone.

"Did you know her?"

"I did," Casey answers softly. "I knew her very well."

"She was a fine Lady and still missed. You're lucky to have known her."

"I agree. Thanks again."

Casey watches the kind female doctor take her leave and feels his heart somewhat settle; his mind now offering him a comforting image of his former fiancée's beautiful face and making his lips automatically curl upward. With his mind now somewhat at ease, he heads back to his room to hopefully settle in for the night and get some solid rest. But just as he enters his room, his lips emit a small gasp as a plastic cup comes flying toward him, landing at his feet.

With a look of surprise, Casey picks up the cup and slowly heads toward his visibly agitated room mate. With out a word, he puts it down on the small rollaway table and starts to head back to his own bed.

"You think that was a pathetic outburst?"

"What?" Casey asks in surprise as he turns to look at the angry face staring back. "Pathetic? No. Frustrated yes."

"Yeah well I am that. Sucks being back in this damn place," the man grumbles as he looks away and then back at Casey's wondering glance. "How long you been in here?"

"Fourth day…maybe fifth," Casey remarks lightly. "Kinda lost track of time. I'm Matt."

"Fred."

"Well Fred, I'm guessing since you're in here, you've just come out of surgery?"

"Come out about six months back and now going back in. Such a joke!" Fred grumbles.

"Sorry. Can I…ask what happened?" Casey wonders in haste.

"You know all the meds they give you to take…well it's a joke…a friggin joke!"

"I only have the liquid stuff so far. Um…tomorrow I get my pills. Didn't they work?"

"Guess they would have…if I stayed on them. And…"

"And what?" Casey dares to press.

"All that stuff about not drinking…yeah such a joke," Fred's voice dies out as Casey looks at him in sympathy. "They give you all the stuff about being on meds for the rest of your life, not drinking and all that?"

"Yesterday. I…yes," Casey replies with a firm nod. "Seems excessive but…but I guess it's necessary right?"

"Damn necessary," Fred huffs as his tone drops about two decibels to one a lot more pleasant. "When I was first told, I uh…well I told the doctors what they wanted to hear. I'll stay with the program and all that jazz. But um…when I left. Ah I figured I know best and would take them when I felt like it and still continue on. Oh I was careful the first few months but um…a drink or two…couldn't hurt right?"

"The same night?" Casey asks weakly as Fred nods.

"Figured I knew better. I mean I didn't binge or anything…just. Ah I don't smoke and I'm careful and such but come on…a few drinks one night? Can't let loose ever? It was too restrictive. So…I didn't take the meds sometimes…didn't exercise…didn't…ah who of us is perfect you know?"

"And now?"

"Ah who knows…got a pain in my kidney…the new one and…well the only one. Just got one left now. Lost both at the same time to a damn accident. You?"

"Same."

"Figured time is short and I'll live my life the way I want right? To hell with the rules. Well…now I'm back here. Damn rules. Doc should be coming to see me soon and he'll tell me. I'm sure I'll just get a real earful and then go back on the meds for another few months and say screw it you know?"

"Can I ask….do you know who the donor is?"

"No. Someone on a list; a number. I mean it's impersonal and all but…but whoever gives up a part of themselves to help anyone else you know? You?"

"I uh…yeah I know where I got mine. I hope it's nothing serious."

"Yeah me too. Hey sorry for earlier. I just hate this damn place!"

"Me too. Goodnight Fred," Casey admits softly as he offers Fred a small smile; Fred offering a night in return. Casey then turns and slowly heads back to his own bed behind the still drawn curtain and starts to settle in for the night. Just as he does, his phone buzzes and he's quick to answer it.

_'Hey gimpy…how's your grumpy new friend?'_

Casey smirks at Severide's text and starts to text back when he hears Dr. Tennyson's voice as he enters; his fingers pausing for a few seconds as he stops to listen.

"Hello Fred," Dr. Tennyson gently entreats Fred from behind his own drawn curtain.

"Hey doc. So what's the story? How long this time? Just overnight right? Tweak the meds and tell me I need to get back on them regularly? The usual?"

"I'm afraid it's not that easy Fred," Dr. Tennyson replies with a heavy sigh. "I have the test results back and…well it's not good."

"Stronger meds? What? Just tell me so I can leave already."

"I'm afraid your body is rejecting the organ altogether. We have to operate on it tomorrow and remove it, as its becoming toxic. The poisons then might harm other organs and we can't risk it."

"What? No doc…this is a joke right? My sister put you up to this? Come on….doc…you can't take it. It's all I got."

"I'm sorry. I know we had this discussion a few months back but….it's too late to save it. I'm sorry. The tests were conclusive."

"What um…does that mean?"

"It means you'll be put on a dialysis machine while we look for a new kidney. I'm very sorry."

"No I have a life and…doc…this can't be."

"I know this is tough and I'm sorry. I'll come by first thing in the morning with a few more details. The rest I'll leave here for you to read."

Casey hears Dr. Tennyson's footsteps take their leave.

Silence follows.

Then…in the stillness of the room, a small sob is heard as a stranger finally realizes the folly of his ignorant ways and completely breaks down. Casey's eyes also well as he recalls his own somewhat nonchalant attitude a few days back, thinking he could just do what he wanted in a few months and perhaps not worry about taking the meds or limiting his alcohol consumption for the rest of his life. But as he listens to Fred's frantic prayers for help and knowing there was nothing that would miraculously happen to cure him; guilt starts to cover him like a wet blanket. _Kelly sacrificed so much for me and now…if I were to do that to him…turn my back on Dr. Tennyson's advice and I end up like Fred…how could I ever face Kelly….if my own selfish actions forced my body to reject the part he offered to help save my life….that he sacrificed a part of himself to save me and I casually throw that away. How could I ever face him? _

Casey looks back down at his text and frowns, hitting the backspace button until the message was blank and then starts over.

_'Terrible. He's just been told he's losing his only kidney.'_

Casey puts the phone down and curls onto his side and tries to close his watery eyes, his heart beating heavily in his chest and his mind wondering just how much his life was really going to change upon his leaving the hospital tomorrow and if he'd be able to keep up with everything or risk turning out like Fred?

* * *

**A/N:** hmm so I'm not sure what you'll all think of this chapter as I'm not totally satisfied but I feel like I am dragging things a bit so I've reworked the outline to move things along faster in the next chapt (hey the show does it haha) so I would love your thoughts on this update in a review before you go and thanks so much!


	6. Making some Adjustments?

**Title: Never Give Up  
****Chapter 6 – Making some Adjustments?**

* * *

A few hours later, Casey's eyes open in the dimly lit surroundings, the soft lines of the monitors casting an eerie glow as he looks around at odd shadows on the curtained wall. His mind remembers his strained conversation with his new roommate and just what a wakeup call it was. _Kelly gave me a gift…he literally sacrificed part of himself…could I just selfishly misuse that? Throw it away? _He listens to Fred's snores, his lips offering an angry grumble every so often and forcing the agitation in Casey's mind to grow slightly. He could only hope and pray that this would be his last night alone in the hospital; the good memories of meeting Hallie and seeing her in action were in fear of being drowned out by deathly images and tormented thoughts of her and himself. His eyes finally close for the remainder of the night and he's able to awaken the next morning feeling a bit more refreshed than previously.

But the next time Casey's eyes do open, he notices a friendly face watching him. "Morning," Casey greets Severide as he stretches and then slumps back down, looking up at his friend with a sleepy glance. "Been here long?"

"Long enough to hear your roomie say in his sleep he wants a big Mac with some triple O sauce," Severide smirks as Casey's face gently crunches. "Got your text," he continues in a soft but more serious tone.

"Yeah," Casey huffs as he slightly sits up and looks at the curtains; Fred still sleeping on the other side. "I feel bad. We talked a bit last night but he was upset and rightfully so."

"Sobering wake up call," Severide notes as Casey silently nods. "Think Dr. Tennyson will let you go home today?"

"I hope so. I want to leave," Casey replies as he rubs his face. "In addition to this there's um…too many memories that…I talked to that Dr. Thomas yesterday. She knew Hallie. Was nice to hear the kind words but it brought back happy and sad memories and so as you can imagine…"

"Sleep sucked?" Severide interjects as Casey nods. "I brought you a care package in case Dr. Tennyson says you can say bye to your pee bag."

"I'll really miss it," Casey gently snickers as he holds it up.

"Really? You put a smiley face on it. What if they need to use it again…you know for someone else," Severide teases with a grin.

"They will not," Casey argues back.

"Why not?" Severide continues. "Things are expensive and hospitals have to keep costs down. They'll just wash it out and sterilize it and reuse it. But…"

"But what?"

"Maybe they'll just charge you… you know for defacing hospital property," Severide chuckles as Casey's lips purse.

"Do you even know what the word deface means?"

"Oh you're askin' for a noogie aren't you?" Severide shoots back as it's Casey's turn to chuckle.

"Well I hear someone's in good spirits this morning," Dr. Tennyson greets them, in a quieter tone, with a warm smile as he pulls back the curtain and both Casey and Severide look up with rather guilty expressions. "Am I interrupting something?"

"Was just about to administer a noogie," Severide snickers to which Casey shakes his head no in protest.

"Will I be charged for putting a smiley face on the pee bag?" Casey asks in haste.

"You two sure act like brothers," Dr. Tennyson chuckles. "Did big brother tell you that?" Dr. Tennyson asks as he looks at Severide with a small frown as Casey nods. "Well let me ask you this, would you be comforted in knowing that someone else's urine might have been in there contaminating yours?"

"Uh….no," Casey's face gently screws in disgust.

"We toss them. But that's not to say if you were to deface other stuff that we wouldn't charge you. And luckily for you, you didn't puncture it. Otherwise a small monetary fee would have been the least of your problems."

"Yeah you would have wet the bed," Severide laughs as Casey's face deepens and his eyes narrow.

"Can I get rid of this thing already doc?" Casey implores as Dr. Tennyson gently ushers Severide outside the curtain so he could examine Casey and give him a better diagnosis.

"From the normal amount of urine in there I'd say yes. How are you feeling? Any lingering pains in any of the surgical areas? Any dizziness? Any…."

Severide hovers outside the curtain, his eyes darting from Casey's outline to Fred's on the other side of the room. He remembers Casey's tormented text about Fred losing his only donated kidney and what a terrible feeling that would be; going back on a machine and at the mercy of the system once again. He knows seeing up close, Fred's plight would have been sobering for Casey for sure, he does have to wonder in a few months…away from here…away from real life failed examples, when he wasn't back at work yet, on the outside looking in, if he'd be tempted to fall back to his old ways – alone and turning to the bottle of whisky for some instant comfort and mind-numbing solace. _He can't do that but I can't watch him forever…_Severide's mind ponders as he snaps back to reality.

He hears Dr. Tennyson telling Casey he's removing the catheter and would be bringing him breakfast and he'd monitor his progress throughout the day; but barring any physical side effects from the food that would seize the one functioning kidney, he could be going come to continue the rest of his recovery in a more welcoming and familiar environment. Severide also hears Casey insisting that everything was also okay with his head injury, no dizziness, no lingering headaches, no blurry vision and no memory loss. _That's good to hear…I'm glad his head injury is a non-issue, _Severide's mind falsely reasons, not knowing what the next few months would bring for them all and that Casey wasn't being entirely honest with the doctor, his friends or himself!

"I'll be back shortly," Dr. Tennyson pulls the curtain back far enough to let Severide enter; Casey now dressed in his boxers and sweats, feeling a lot more self confident, which Dr. Tennyson assured him would also help with the healing – peace of mind was something that a lot of patient took for granted but one of the areas that they said affected the most.

"So the pee bag is gone for good."

"You missed the goodbye ceremony," Casey replies with a small smile. "But sure feels better," Casey states as he looks over to the right where the monitors now stand silent. "I just want to leave this place."

"Yeah but aren't you glad you didn't actually leave when you wanted to and waited?" Severide questions as Casey nods in response.

"If something had gone wrong," Casey's words die out as his eyes drift toward the other side of the curtain where they both hear Fred starting to wake up. "I'm glad I waited too. Wasn't easy."

"It's not going to be easy. You know that right?"

"You going back to work and me sitting at home wallowing?" Casey tosses back lightly as Severide's lips purse. "I know. I have to come to terms with that and just find…things to do to keep myself occupied."

"Just don't watch the shining," Severide teases as Casey's eyes gently widen in horror. "What?"

They talk a bit longer until Dr. Tennyson bring Casey his first solid meal in a week; Severide having something more substantial from the cafeteria and then listening to Dr. Tennyson telling Fred he'd be prepped for surgery in a half hour. The two of them eat in relative silence, the curtains opened shortly afterwards and Casey introducing Severide to Fred and the three of them talking about the hockey game the night before; none of them wanting to take notice of the elephant in the room – Fred's looming surgery.

"I hope it goes well for you," Casey tells Fred in a friendly tone as he's about to be taken down for surgery.

"And for you. Good luck with everything."

"You too," Casey mentions as he watches Fred being wheeled out and stands fixed in place a few moments longer before he hears Severide gently clear his throat and then turns back with red-rimmed eyes and a tight lipped smile; making Severide's heart ache for his friends silent pain. "I know he did it to himself but um…I feel sorry for him."

"I know…me too," Severide agrees with a small frown. "Come on. Let's go for a walk and wear off breakfast," he lightly teases; his mind settling somewhat when Casey's face softens from his anxiety-laden frown. They don't talk about Fred again, but the hard life lesson was there – cherish what you have or else you'll suffer in ways you don't even think possible.

"You okay?" Severide asks after Casey falls silent for a few seconds.

"Just thinking about what Dr. Thomas said last night about Hallie," Casey replies softly as they near the solarium; his mind flashing back to the night before. "We talked right here for a few minutes. Just felt…good to hear her say those things."

"That's great man," Severide agrees with a warm smile.

"Sometimes I think people don't ask me about her or talk about her because it hurts or they think it'll hurt and it does but…but it felt good last night. What I'm trying to say is…I don't mind if you ask about her or talk about her," Casey tells his friend in truth. "I'd rather remember the good times."

"Okay."

"I know she'd like that also," Casey continues with a strained smile. "Remember the time with the yellow pudding."

"Miss how old this is Jell-o?"

"It's not Miss, it's doctor Thomas and that's not Jell-O it's pee, but if you want to drink it I will warn you the taste is a bit off," Casey concludes as both gently chuckle. "She never let me live that one down."

"Which part? The calling her Miss or the thinking the hardened pee was Jell-O?" Severide laughs.

"Both," Casey replies in truth as they pull away from the solarium and head for the exit stairs at the end of the hallway. Severide tells Casey that he and Shay went over to his place last night and gathered up a few personal things and filled the spare dresser, in the spare bedroom so that he'd be set for a few days; neither of them able to drive for at least a few more weeks.

"She warned me if we call her chauffer Shay, off with our heads," Severide smirks as they reach the bottom of the stairwell, Casey's stomach gently cramping. "Hey…you okay?"

"Stomach…cramp," Casey replies with a small nod and intake of air. "I'm okay. Dr. Tennyson said this would be normal for my first meal but to carry on if possible. I could really use that happy meal right about now."

"Supper?" Severide counters as they head for the elevator, Casey's hand resting on his forearm, making Severide look up in haste.

"One more," Casey refers to one more set of stairs.

"You shouldn't push it. I have stairs at home you can climb up and down to your hearts content."

"Funny," Casey deadpans as he allows himself to be led toward the elevator. _ I know you're nature is to want things done right away…a fast heal…over with now…but you can't rush it…you have to allow the full healing process to play out, _Dr. Tennyson's voice rings in his head. They reach their room and stop to watch the large portable dialysis machine being hooked up; ready and waiting for when Fred would return.

"Oh damn," Casey whispers in misery as he feels his stomach tighten.

"Come on," Severide tells him in a kind tone as his hand rests on his shoulder. "You need to get some rest now. You look tired."

Casey numbly nods in compliance as he turns and heads back for his bed, Severide quickly pulling the curtain back, so that Casey wouldn't have to look at the daunting machine longer than he had to. Casey settles into a restful nap as Severide pulls his phone, texts Shay and then pulls out the latest issue of Popular Mechanic and starts to read.

XXXXXXXX

The next time Casey's eyes open, Severide is missing but he quickly realizes he's not alone. _Fred! _He hears his roommate on the other side of the curtain lightly breathing and looks at the time. _Wow nearly lunch…I must have been tired._

He hears some shuffling and then looks up to see Severide enter with a friendly smile. "I must have been tired."

"You needed it. Ready for lunch?"

"More yogurt?" Casey asks with a small groan as Severide shakes his head. "No?"

"Come on, let's go for a walk. You don't want to eat in front of Fred."

Casey nods in agreement as he slowly gets up and puts on his slippers, his mind realizing the truthfulness of Dr. Tennyson's words about not having the tubing attached or the catheter – freedom. This time he realizes that his steps are bit more sure and his mind a bit more determined. They ride the elevator to the cafeteria where Shay, Dawson and Mills were waiting to have lunch with him.

The lunch, while it wasn't gourmet, consisted of soft substances once more, soup, soft bread, yogurt and fruit. But just being out of his bed to eat, sitting amongst general population and enjoying the company of his friends was beyond comforting, it was reassuring and actually delightful. They didn't how the kidney was working as each knew about the sacrifice Severide also had endured. Instead they told hospital horror stories, talked about the food, a few work stories, sports and things in general. Finally the three of them have to go, leaving Severide and Casey at the table in the cafeteria to linger as long as they wanted.

"That felt good," Casey mentions as they slowly head toward the entrance of the cafeteria. On the way back, he tells Severide he wants to shower and how such a simple task of going to the bathroom on his own was actually comforting.

Casey enters the hospital room first, Fred awakened from his surgery and now how hooked up to the dialysis machine. He puts on a tight smile but feels his emotions instantly well.

"Hey buddy," Casey gently greets as Severide enters behind him.

"Hey," Fred nods to Casey and then looks at Severide in wonder. "Is he your…"

"Friend," Severide interjects with a smile as he extends his hand. "Kelly Severide. We work together."

"Ah okay…yeah sure thing," Fred acknowledges with a small wince. "So…I guess you can see what's going on here."

"Does it um…hurt?" Casey wonders innocently.

Fred looks at the soft expression on Casey's face and realizes he's asking a legitimate question as someone who had no idea of what it was like to be on a dialysis machine. "Nah. Just feels…odd. But I'm kinda used to it…I guess, been hooked up to one before. Better than the alternative…you know death."

"Yeah…right," Casey stammers nervously as a few seconds of awkward silence start to build.

"So when you escaping this place anyways?" Fred inquires as Casey snaps out of his melancholy.

"Hopefully tonight," Casey answers in truth as Severide nods in agreement. "Doc just needs to confirm a few more things."

"When you're out there you take care of yourself okay? Don't end up like me and piss away your life."

"Okay," Casey whispers as he tries to offer Fred a tight lipped smile. They casually chat a bit more until Dr. Tennyson comes in to check on Fred and it's time for Casey to get some more rest. He lies down but his eyes don't close, merely remain open and fixed on the pale blue curtain closing his view of his tormented neighbor.

"Hey that won't happen to you," Severide mentions in a quiet tone as Casey's head twists to the right and he looks up with a morbid glance.

"I had the same attitude a few days back," Casey admits with a small swallow. "I thought I was indestructible and bad things could happen to others not me."

"I think this job kinda forces that mentality on all of us until reality kicks us right in the ass."

"Sure kicked hard this time," Casey huffs as he looks away. "I want you to promise me…" Casey starts as he turns back in torment. "If I ever want to go off and…just throw everything away you remind me of Fred. I don't care how but you remind me of him."

"I will. Get some rest now," Severide instructs as he helps Casey with his blanket. Severide waits until Casey is asleep before he pulls away and then looks in Fred's curtain to see him also asleep. _Sorry Fred…_Severide's mind whispers silently as he takes a picture of Fred hooked up to the machines and then saves it just in case he would need to send to Casey as a reminder of what he could end up like if he neglected his medication routine or decided he knew better and wanted to drink himself out of his misery. _Matt's life comes first. _After that he goes in search of Dr. Tennyson.

"Any issues so far with him eating? Any major stomach cramping? Throwing up? Not going to the bathroom?"

"So far everything seems good."

"Well he'll have to come back in a week for his first physical check up so I don't see why he can't go home. I know this place isn't exactly the best for healing."

"How long um…will Fred have to wait?"

"Pretty sad story huh," Dr. Tennyson huffs as Severide nods. "Sadly he's not a rare case. Thankfully most do listen to the instructions and follow and they lead happy, successful and very productive lives. But there are some…like Fred who think they can beat the odds and…well the odds show them why they're basically unbeatable. So now he's back on the list and we'll see. He's a pretty standard blood type so finding a match shouldn't be difficult; it will just come down to timing. I'll get Matt's things ready for discharge."

"Thank you."

Severide returns to Casey's room to see the bed empty and his friend missing. He looks around with a frown before he hears a door unclick down the hallway and turns to see Casey emerge, dressed to go home. "Someone's eager," Severide comments as Casey looks up with a somewhat sheepish smile and nods.

"Did you talk to Dr. Tennyson?"

"He's on his way over with your care package."

"Care pa…right," Casey accepts as he watches Dr. Tennyson approaching.

"Nice to see you up and about Matt. You're looking at lot better than when I first saw you a week ago in here. I understand you are ready to go home tonight?"

"Is that okay?"

"I have arranged for you to talk to Paul here," Dr. Tennyson introduces one of his rehabilitation counselors, "to walk you through the care package, your check up schedule and a few other things. Won't take too long and then you'll be on your way."

"Thank you Dr. Tennyson," Casey extends his hand for a warm shake; grateful to the older man for showing him care but being firm where needed. He too asks about Fred's welfare before he follows Paul into a small room; Severide hovering outside, Shay already on her way over.

Casey's eyes drop down to the small bottle of pills and he instantly feels his heart rate starting to elevate. But Paul's calming tone forces him to focus and pay attention so that by the end the process didn't seem as daunting as when they first started. However, after seeing a few pictures of the positive and negative results of those who followed the program or chose not to, Casey's mind is already made up that he's going to stick with as if it meant his very life – for in reality it did.

"I'll be here next week for your checkup," Paul tells Casey as he opens the door, about to send Casey on his way. "See you then."

"Thank you."

"Well?" Severide asks as they slowly head toward the elevator.

"I was nervous at first but um…two pills a day for…two pills a day, in the morning. They have long complicated names so don't ask me to spell them," Casey replies with a small smirk as he slightly coughs. "I'm nervous. I'm nervous I'll forget or…Kelly I don't want to do anything to screw up and end up like Fred, but I am nervous I'll forget."

"What did that guy say about it?"

"He said if I forget to take them as soon as I remember and if I forget a day, take two the next morning and two at supper the same day and…don't forget again," Casey retorts firmly. "Medication schedule, eating schedule, exercise schedule…"

"So much for being bored during your time off," Severide tosses out lightly as Casey's brow slightly furrows. "So Dr. Tennyson said one more night of soft stuff…so Shay's made soup."

"I'll soon weigh as much as her," Casey chuckles as Severide laughs.

"Yeah but just don't tell her that."

"No way," Casey agrees as Shay comes to a stop in Severide's car. "I can't wait until I can start downing big Mac's and be…"

"Root beer."

"Right," Casey nods in agreement as they pile into Severide's car; each of them wanting to sit in the back and teasing her about being their chauffer, Shay retorting she could offer them bus fare. After the tension and excitement of the day, Casey's body starts to feel the fatigue as soon as he enters Severide's apartment, wanting to just find the easy chair and relax. But his stomach's growls; telling him to eat first and then sleep later.

"I'll put my stuff in my room and be right back down."

"Don't rush," Shay tells Casey in truth. "You guys aren't going anywhere for a month."

"Damn Shay when you put it that way, even I want to run away," Severide lightly groans as Shay rolls her eyes and heads back into the kitchen.

"I'll be right back," Casey tells him with a wry smile as he heads for the stairs. It wasn't his home but it felt like he belonged and that was the most important thing; Dr. Tennyson even said that his mental state would do a lot to either help or hinder his healing progress. _'When you're down and feeling low, your body is going to react the same way. The first few months will be tough, you know that. But this is normal as you need to ease yourself back into your very strenuous job. But you will get there. If you follow this schedule you will get there. I give you my word.'_

Casey enters the small spare bedroom and looks around, noticing a few personal things from his own home and once again feeling more welcomed roommate than stranger. He pulls out the little pill organizer that Dr. Tennyson had given him and filled by Paul in the session; a plastic two week, popup supply container already filled with two pills per day that he'd start tomorrow, today being the last of his liquid medication. Right beside that he places the exercise and eating schedule; the first being more detailed and longer than the latter. The latter, the diet schedule, was just a reminder of what not to have, and a lot of that was common sense. But it was the line that reminds him that no alcohol is permitted within the first six months at least and after that only on a rare occasion so that it wouldn't counteract the medication that troubles him most. _Fred…_he reminds himself as he pulls away and heads downstairs to join his friends.

He enters the aromatic kitchen, already feeling at ease that he was with two people he cared about and that cared about him; no machines, no overhead pages, no angry strangers and no cold faces watching him just to pass the time. Dr. Tennyson was right…he'd heal better away from the medical institution.

"Okay so Kelly just said…"

"I did not," Severide tosses back with a chuckle as Casey eases himself down onto the next bar stool to join the lively conversation.

Casey looks at the food before him, thankful that Shay wasn't drinking, therefore not allowing his mind to remember that he wasn't allowed to drink. But in six months…a year? When he'd see Severide having a drink or two…having a good time and he was stuck with…water or something else…would that resentment creep into his mind?

"Now wait a second that wasn't it."

"Oh whose side are you on?" Severide looks at Casey who offers a sheepish shrug in return. The three of them enjoy their light dinner before its time to just unwind and then finally get some sleep. Two hours later, Casey offers a goodnight to Shay and Severide and slowly heads upstairs, his body just wanting to collapse. But as he slowly gets ready for bed, his mind and heart start to really settle and he hopes for the first time in over a week, he'll be able to get a solid night's rest. That prayer would be answered.

XXXXXXXX

The next morning Casey awakens, looking at the clock and then outside to see an overcast day; no rain so maybe he could actually do something outside, even a brisk walk would be beneficial. As per his own request, he looks at the medication waiting, the hatch popped and reaches for the two pills and then the glass of water he left the night before. He takes the pills and then waits. Nothing. _What were you expecting? A reaction? No…don't think about it. Now get ready for the day…_

"To do what," he mutters with a sour note as he slowly gets out of bed and heads for the window and slightly stretches. _For the first month limit strong caffeine, acidic diuretics, anything overly spicy…_some of it wouldn't be a problem…_eat at least five servings of fruit and veggies a day Important Matt, you must avoid grapefruit and grapefruit juice due to their effect on the immunosuppression medication, high fibre, low fat dairy, lean meat, low salt, low fat…low…and LOTS of water_ but coffee…"I need my coffee," Casey huffs as he pulls on a pair of sweatpants and tee and heads downstairs, hearing light banter and smelling something very tempting. _Don't get down at them if they can drink coffee and I can't have any yet. Nothing strong for two weeks. Damn._

"Morning," Severide greets with a smile as he hands Casey a mug of coffee, Shay filling her travel mug and then rushing toward the door, telling them she'd probably see them later that night.

"Smells good," Casey replies as he politely puts the steaming mug down on the table and heads for the fridge.

"Matt…"

"I told myself that while not much has changed for you that…" he pauses as he looks at some of the ingredients in the fridge and then back at Severide with arched brows. "Is that…"

"Yes low sodium cheese. We're all going to eat healthier," Severide confesses as he pushes the cup back toward Casey. "Decaf…and pretty damn good if you ask me."

"With…low fat milk? You're drinking low fat milk?"

"Just don't tell the guys," Severide quips as he nods.

"Diet restrictions. I get it but…but this is actually good," Casey admits with a small smile.

"I know. Now we'll never hear the end of it," Severide gently teases as he watches Casey's face cloud as he continues to read down the list of dietary restrictions.

"Good thing I don't like grapefruit," he mentions softly as he looks up with a strained smile.

"You know the first week is gonna somewhat suck right? Eat…sleep…exercise, rest…repeat."

"I know. Dr. Tennyson told me and I'm prepared…for the most part," Casey sighs as he takes another sip and places his mug down on the counter. "I don't feel…different," his voice dies out as his right hand rests on the rigid scar on the back of his head.

"Well…you know you've never really been normal," Severide teases as Casey's lips purse but he gently smirks. "Okay so let's eat and then go for a walk outside and then…"

"Hang?"

"Hang."

The two of them go about making breakfast, cleaning up and then heading outside. Dr. Tennyson had outlined the first weeks activities starting with a two brisk walks for the first day and then concluding the week with a light jog and some light hand weights. After the first bout of exercise, they come back, drink water and rest. The first two days are pretty much the same, with Casey finally feeling a bit more energetic with each day that passes; his mood lifting higher. On the third day they start into a light jog in the morning, Casey feeling it in his lower back more than the previous two but remembering Dr. Tennyson telling him that would be normal and to only panic if the slight cramping didn't subside from resting right afterward. It did and he was able to enjoy the rest of the day including a late afternoon jog; the continued exercise, fresh air and eating right was also helping to build his stamina, regain weight and help him sleep more soundly at night.

By the end of the fifth day, they come back from their last weighted jog, breathing hard and ready to collapse.

"I thought…I was…in better…shape," Casey lightly huffs as he looks at Severide with a flushed face.

"I thought…so too…" he tries to smile but it ends up looking like a slight wheeze. "You need…to work…harder," he teases; Casey tossing his nearly empty water bottle at his friend's head, Severide laughing and ducking. "But you survived this first week right?"

"I did," Casey replies with a small frown.

"Matt? What is it?" Severide presses in return.

"This week…wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. It was an adjustment but I thought…well to be honest I expected more nagging or me forgetting more it being a bother. Taking the pills isn't a hardship like I thought it would be but I'm not fooling myself that seeing you have a drink in a few months or a cigar and I can't or having you go back to work sooner will be…a challenge. I want this to work I do…but I'm still nervous that something will go wrong."

"Did you tell Dr. Tennyson this?"

"Yes and he said the fears and worry and concern were all normal and not to panic if I forget something but…"

"Then stop worrying," Severide tells him in a friendly tone. "You survived the first week…that's something to celebrate right?"

"Celebrate? Water and bread?" Casey gently snickers.

"Naysayer. We'll save the actual going out to Molly's for a bigger celebration, both of us back to work but how about…we order in pizza and…"

"Pop?"

"You know I do have duct tape around here," Severide warns as Casey goes to interrupt again. Casey merely offers a small laugh as Severide reaches for the phone and dials their favorite pizza place. "And…to get the party started…" he heads to the fridge and pulls out a pack of Root Beer.

"Ah…now you're talkin'," Casey smiles as he reaches for a cold can.

"But wait…pizza and beer need cigars so…"

"Kelly…" Casey mentions with a small frown as Severide pulls out a box and places it on the counter, Casey's head starting to slowly shake. "Cigars it is."

"What does Boden always tell us?"

"If you don't fit life…make life fit you," Casey lightly whispers as he peels back the opening to the box of licorice cigars. "Let's see who gets a black tongue first."

"You're on," Severide grins as he reaches for one of the candy cigars. The two of them slowly enjoy the candy, the pizza arriving and the black tongue contest on hold until they could resume again after dinner. With the hockey game playing in the background, the two of them talk about the week that just passed, Casey's first checkup with Paul in a few days, any lingering side effects and what they'd face going forward; especially when Severide gets back to work in a few weeks.

That night Casey tries to think about all the positive things he was able to adjust to this week, not wanting to dwell upon the fact that he was stuck taking medication for the rest of his life and that in a few weeks he'd be going back to modified work duty.

He lies awake that night wondering how his first check up would go? Would he have to tell him about the few dizzy spells and the fact that his headaches didn't go away as fast as he'd like? Would it set back his recovery time? And what would it be like to be left behind when both Kelly and Shay were back to work? And then him being on a modified work schedule for a few months following that? Could he keep his outward resentment contained? Would it strain his and Kelly's friendship; especially after all they'd been through in the past two weeks? Would he be able to adjust to his new future as easily as he did this past week? Or was he a slowly ticking time bomb waiting to go off?

XXXXXXXX

At the same time Casey is trying to come to terms with his personal life Severide's phone downstairs buzzes to life with an update from Boden on his professional life.

_'Kelly, you asked about replacements. For you, Clarke will step in for a few weeks until you're back and Mills will do the same for Truck with Hermann helping. But Mills interest as you know lies in Squad long term so I'm bringing in Eric Whaley to cover for Casey's entire absence or until he's back to where he should be. I trust this will be okay with you both as I know you and Eric have patched things up. Break it to Casey gently, it will be hard to see someone else doing his job for longer than a few weeks, but together we can do this. I'll keep in touch.'_

* * *

**A/N:** yay Casey's out of the hospital but…well this is me so you know its not going to be all sunshine and roses right? trying to keep some stuff canon but hey this is an AU story so I have creative license to bend a few rules hehe. In the show Mills filled in for Casey while he was away so he will at first but then I wanted to add a bit more tension and angst so am bringing Eric back (hope that's okay!). Will Casey be okay with that? Will anything strain between him and Kelly once he's back on an amended work schedule and basically left out of the job he loves so much? And what other medical issues is Casey foolishly overlooking? Will he tell Paul the truth about everything? (I'm now working in the show's mood swings, memory loss and bloody ear!) so please do review before you go with your thoughts and predictions and thanks so much!

**PS:** I hope you all liked the last update to Growing Pains also (you had to see if Casey lived right?)


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